“People derive more happiness from pay when they know they’re earning more than co-workers, research shows. In a famous 1998 study...half of 257 people surveyed said they would rather make $50,000 a year when others around them earned $25,000 than earn $100,000 while peers earned $200,000.”

Billionaire Hollywood mogul David Geffen, whose ability to use charity donations to embody the principle of selfishness is truly astounding, made—spoiler alert!!!—another gaudy, wasteful, self-aggrandizing charity donation today.

The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday on an exciting New York City real estate offering: For $22 million, someone can buy a 20-unit apartment building in Brooklyn Heights to use as their very own single-family dwelling. Are you that person? That is to say, are you a monstrous asshole, who would like to make dozens of people’s lives worse for the sake of your personal luxury?

Another week is here, and with it, another story about the affluent, techie-infested caricature that San Francisco has become. Hey, assholes: step one to surviving this trying time is to build more fucking housing.

For about five minutes after the collapse of the global economy in 2008, the public’s anger was focused enough to cause a temporary cutback in the abuse of corporate jet perks by rich executives. Clearly, those days are over.

Billionaire Hollywood mogul David Geffen announced another large philanthropic gift this week—one that could fully cement him as the most narcissistic and least useful philanthropist in America.

Very rich people sometimes make very large donations to educational or cultural institutions. In return, they ask for their names to be plastered atop buildings. These donations have no moral worth.

SXSW, Austin's annual sticky-floored music industry sport coat and jeans cocaine marathon, wherein bands willingly exhaust themselves playing garbage sets for little or no money, deriving sustenance from tacos and the hope of "exposure," features a McDonald's showcase this year. And, no doy, they aren't paying.

Sure, it's easy to laugh at the greedy, clueless, entitled people who attempt to "crowdfund" various non-charitable self-serving endeavors. But who is really to blame?

Since 2006, "the wealthiest Americans are giving a smaller share of their income to charity, while poor and middle-income people are donating a larger share." The rich are doing a poor job making a case against taking all their shit.

Four members of the Walton family, heirs to the Walmart fortune, have a combined wealth of close to $140 billion. How much do they give to their charitable foundation? An insultingly small amount.

Are you rich? No? Then the servicey aspect of this post this probably doesn't apply to you. But if you're rich, you probably want to know how you can be richer, right? Here's the secret: Do less work. And the work you do, do it worse. In other words, be a hedge fund manager!

Are you in the market for a $2.2 million, eight bedroom, Tudor-style mansion? (In Atlanta?) Well, the Archbishop of Atlanta might have a property to show you! A property that he is begrudgingly vacating after coming under criticism for paying for it with church funds!

The Washington Post has done a poll that shows lower-income workers are terrified they will lose their awful jobs. Then it interviewed one of those workers, who commutes three hours a day for $5.25 an hour:

The CEO of economy-wrecking greed-disaster AIG compares criticism of the bonuses collected by his bailed-out derivatives jockeys to "hangman nooses....what we did in the Deep South. And I think it was just as bad and just as wrong." Lynchings and criticizing bankers: equally wrong.

George Orwell once said that "a humanitarian is always a hypocrite." In the case of Jeremy Johnson, the government is also trying him as a criminal.

What the hell do the shiftless/ worthless kids these days want, when they're not beating up babies and playing on train tracks? The vapid young sellouts are, quite predictably, all about makin' that MOOLAH$$$$CA$$$HMONEY$$$$. Are "The Millennials" way more materialistic than your generation? U bet!

Corporate whore Ben Stein, who claims to be an economist but is really a commercial actor with an undergraduate degree in economics, has sued Japanese electronics firm Kyocera for violating his "freedom of religion" by not hiring him as a pitchman because he denies the reality of global warming. This man lives his Republican values to the hilt.

Bloomberg reporter Max Abelson should receive every last Pulitzer for his story today, "Look at These Atrocious Rich Fuckers Hang Themselves With Their Own Quotes." Or if you prefer the "formal" headline, "Bankers Seek to Debunk Attack on Top 1%." Good god. I mean really. It is almost Christmas. You bastards.

At a time of high unemployment and dwindling job alternatives for millions of Americans, Walmart—America's largest private employer—is denying healthcare benefits to many of its part-time employees. It's enough to make a (socialist) person cry in their craft beer (purchased at Walmart).