Earlier today, David Cameron announced the end of his premiership of Great Britain. Then he hummed a little song.

This week, British Conservative Party politician and Brexit cheerleader Boris Johnson saw his chances of becoming the UK prime minister torpedoed when his ally Michael Gove announced he would also run for the seat. Boris quickly ducked out of the campaign, possibly ending his political career forever. But what a political career it was.

Short answer: Not great. Bit of a mess. Long answer:

After giving a speech in which he touted his accomplishments as mayor of London, responded to criticisms of the “Leave” vote, and outlined the problems facing the next British prime minister, Boris Johnson announced that he would not be running for the position.

Over the weekend, the Sunday Times published an article quoting British government sources claiming that China and Russia had hacked Edward Snowden’s NSA files, putting agents in danger. Where was the proof? Reporter Tom Harper appeared on CNN last night to explain: “Well, uh, I don’t know, to be honest with you.”

Prince William visited Japan this week and took some photographs there with some people and some things, BuzzFeed News reports.

Prince Andrew, Duke of York, second oldest son of the queen of Great Britain, has been accused of repeatedly sleeping with an underage sex-slave provided by a Florida-based investment banker and convicted sex offender, and representatives of the English crown are scurrying to respond to the allegations.

Scotland is tantalizingly close to declaring independence from Great Britain and setting up as a sovereign nation. But there are so many implications! Like, say, this Business Insider post's suggestion that an independent Scotland could get invaded by Russians on submarines. Let's explore, shall we?

Great Britain has just certified the first three women ever to serve onboard submarines in the 110-year history of the Royal Navy's silent service. Way to go, John Bull. What the hell took you so long?

Authorities in Great Britain forcibly sedated a pregnant woman from Italy, performed a court-ordered C-section delivery on her, and now plan to put the child up for adoption against her will.

As I write this, British defense lawyer Myles Jackman is trying an obscenity case in the UK. His client has been charged with possession of "extreme pornography"—in this case, fisting porn. And he's live-tweeting the whole thing. A very special Follow Friday.

Back on February 8th, a British telecommunications company let one quarter of its 12,000 employees work from home. The results of that experiment are in, and it seems that, basically, everything is more amazing when you can futz around in your pajamas all day instead of putting on clothing like a respectable human being.

Here's a good tip for foreign travelers hoping to visit the United States: no matter what the words "destroy America" might mean among your hometown folk, you may want to keep that phrase off your Twitter feed. Emily Bunting and Leigh Van Bryan, a pair of tourists from Great Britain, found this out the hard way after they were detained by Homeland Security for twelve hours at Los Angeles International Airport because Bryan had earlier tweeted "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America." Bryan tried in vain to explain that "destroy" is just a quirky Brit way of saying "going out and getting drunk," but the humorless DHS agents presumably had not heard of partying, either. So they were deported.

One thing you can say about Robert James Moore, whose skeleton was discovered this week on a small island in St. James Park near Buckingham Palace: He died doing what he loved. Stalking Queen Elizabeth II.

Twitter, the growing microblog juggernaut, basks in the glory of its celebrity users and the so-called "Twitter revolutions." Decaying BlackBerry, meanwhile, is experiencing the unpleasant flipside of product association.

A candlelight vigil held for Mark Duggan, who was killed by police on Thursday, erupted into riots in Tottenham, London last night after riot cops on the scene allegedly beat a 16-year-old girl who had thrown a stone at them.

James Murdoch, son of Rupert, Lord of Casterly Rock, Warden of the West and overseer of News Corp's properties in Europe and Asia, could face criminal charges over his role in the phone hacking scandal at News Corp tabloid News of the World. In the U.S. and the U.K.!

Murdered teenager Milly Dowler wasn't the only person whose voicemail was hacked by the unscrupulous folks at News Corp paper News of the World—it now appears that the families of victims of the 7/7 terrorist bombings in London were "targets" as well.

Meet Roland Bunce, of Belfast, Northern Ireland! Roland, uncharitably described by The Sun as "this fat bloke," is has won the voting round of this year's "Make Me the Next Model" competition, by about 65,900 votes.