The congressional dispute over how to replenish FEMA's disaster relief coffers — which, if not resolved by September 30, could shut down the government — will resume on Monday. Go enjoy a national park while you still can! How about the Washington Monument? Oh, nevermind, the earthquake cracked that sucker good. In that case, do whatever the hell you want.

All that Hurricane Irene and Tropical Storm Lee wanted was to smash a few windows, flood some streets, and uproot an old tree here or there. But now they may indirectly end up shutting down the federal government, too! This really is a banner year for the forces of evil.

The ongoing Minnesota government shutdown is dragging the state into a new phase of No Fun Whatsoever, due to the shuttered state offices and programs that aren't handling day-to-day matters as usual. Do you Minnesotans like to drink beer or smoke cigarettes or not see poopy everywhere? Then for now, at least, you'll have to pack up your bindles and migrate down Iowa-way.

Tim Pawlenty, the presidential candidate who tries too hard and ends up making people care even less, has heard in the news that some of his conservative brethren would fancy a government shutdown or two. I can do that! Tim Pawlenty announces in his latest Iowa ad. You want shutdowns? When he was governor of Minnesota, he shut down the government — twice! So vote for Tim Pawlenty, the Government Shutdown Candidate. His federal government will barely even be open, that's how shutdowny he'll make it.

So the deal for the "largest spending cut in history" that no one knew the components of until ~5 minutes ago is coming up for rubber-stamping today, to avoid a government shutdown. The votes are expected to be there. But maybe we'll get lucky and the government of the greatest nation in the history of the world will shut down anyway, over confusing math.

This government budget crisis has produced at least one very welcome offshoot for Barack Obama: It gives him an excuse to cancel a family vacation to lame Colonial Williamsburg. Maybe that's been the goal all along?

Here's Maryland Democratic Rep. Donna Edwards quoting the White Stripes song "Effect and Cause" at length on the House floor. The lyrical content urges Republicans to prevent a painful government shutdown for which they would take the blame. We don't know! She's reading way too fast for a Friday afternoon. "La la la la Republicans are mean la la la splat" approximates it close enough.

The city of Washington D.C. will be hammered by a prolonged government shutdown. The D.C. government manages its own budget, but because of its unique form of slavery, the money technically needs to be appropriated by the House of Representatives. And since "government shutdown" is just the shorthand term for "no appropriations," the city government of Washington D.C. can only offer essential services during a shutdown. In other words, no trash pick up! So some residents are just planning to dump their waste outside Speaker John Boehner's "house" instead, which is kind of mean.

Twelve hours until the government shuts down, people! Actually eleven hours and some minutes! Progress was made last evening, however. The only inflexible issue that hasn't been negotiated out, according to everyone, is the few hundred million dollars in federal subsidies for Planned Parenthood.

Here's a cheap mid-afternoon giggle for federal workers: A hot-off-the-presses White House proclamation declaring next week — when the government may be shut down — National Volunteer Week. It's that patented Hawaii dry humor, folks; don't try it at home.

If a government shutdown happens, it'll be because Republicans are demanding policy restrictions in addition to spending cuts before agreeing to fund the government through September. These policy restrictions would target abortion providers and seek to limit the reach of the Environmental Protection Agency.

The president has convened a late night (for Washington) meeting tonight to solve the budget crisis before tomorrow night's government shutdown. 8:45 p.m. White House. Harry Reid and John Boehner will be there. Will you? Obviously not, because you're just some random person reading this website.

During a closed-door meeting today, Speaker John Boehner "thanked the House Republicans for standing by him and supporting him through these tense negotiations," for which he received a standing ovation. Then he cried again. Can we ban Congress now?

Congress still hasn't reached a deal on a continuing resolution to fund the government through September, so we're less than 48 hours away from a government shutdown. Departments and agencies are exhausting most of their time now in panic and preparation. The administration has put out a figure for total furloughed employees: 800,000. Here are more letters from individual federal employees and contractors about how a shutdown would affect them, and what they're hearing. Do you have something to share? Share your greatest fears with newell@gawker.com.

No one can be sure until the last minute, but the odds of a government shutdown in three days have never been higher after a day of collapsed talks. Congressional parties and the White House are hunkering down for cover to ensure they don't get blamed. But it's important to remember, as we watch this parlor game, that a government shutdown affects "real lives" quite directly.

Funding for the federal government will only last three more days, and leaders of both parties say they have no interest in working out a stop-gap measure for another week or two. "Secret negotiations led by Joe Biden" — which in the late '70s, at least, was Capitol Police code for late night swingers' parties in the Congressional Gym — haven't proven to be very successful. Will these dumpheads ever agree on a compromise to their $30-$60 billion in harsh social services cuts that won't have any significant effect on budgets during a time with massive unemployment and suffering and death everywhere?