Simon Cowell can't escape the coif, Bai Ling has a hungry pussy, Mel Gibson throws sticks and stones, and the Brangelina+Gosselin vortex will sink us all.

Kate Hudson and A-Rod are still having sex all the time because they like it. New Yorkers agree that this is better than your mythical magic underpants. [Us Weekly]

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]

Michael Lohan's worried about his daughter, might be right. Situation: critical. Robert Pattenson's mom hates you. Who sucks more? Jon Gosselin or TLC? Tina Fey's virginity, Madonna's neighbor relations, Karadshian Ass..ian...and much much more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: