On MSNBC today, Mediaite's Glynnis MacNicol and Contessa Brewer speculated that none other than this humble site is responsible for the State Department's investigation into contractor misbehavior in Kabul, Afghanistan. Oh, you crazy kids.

This morning distinguished political commentators Ana Marie Cox, Rachel Sklar and Glynnis MacNichol filed a slumber party-themed video dispatch from the Democratic National Convention in Denver. At the risk of crushing you with intellectual heft I had the video department cut it down to its thirty-two most totally totally crucial seconds. I cannot overstate how much you like need to watch this like right now. And because I was forced to cut some of its meatier moments I have distilled the main arguments after the jump.*
FINDINGS: 1. Michelle Obama's hair is newly "swingy" and thus patriotic. 2. Wolf Blitzer is Batman. 3. Michelle Obama's brother "looks like a basketball." 4. Caroline Kennedy's appearance qualifies her a cabinet position if not the vice presidency. 5. The Obama daughters' appearance qualifies them for residency the White House.** 6. The Brady Bunch is for white people.

While the rest of us are drinking and snoozing, the television is trying to transmit important information into our homes. Today, our special correspondent for T.V. punditry catches us up on the week in chat shows. Because we totally wouldn't watch that shit if you paid us. Get your tinfoil hats on!