Is Bristol Palin hooking up with Dancing with the Stars' Mark Ballas? Some people think so! Also today: Pink is pregnant, Lil Wayne probably has a new kid, Sandra is dating again, more Mel vs. Oksana news, plus Katy Perry!

It's been months since Hugh Hefner launched a buyout bid for the Playboy empire, only to be outbid by the owners of Penthouse. Hefner's in precarious position: he controls the company. But his bid sucks. And he needs cash, bad.

[Dinner at Lily's Kitchen Diner, a restaurant for dogs, is usually followed by "relaxing with a book and tummy rubs." The End Times draw nigh. Image via Getty]

Who: The former president of Hearst Magazines, Cathie Black is the newly-appointed chancellor of the New York City public school system.

During the 2008 campaign, President George W. Bush told a group of visiting Brits that he "probably" wouldn't vote for McCain, according to Financial Times writer Alex Barker. That's not all: He also said he would've endorsed Obama if asked.

The Carnival Splendor, a cruise ship bound for the Mexican Riviera, has been drifting off the coast of Mexico since a fire disabled engine operating systems. But it's not the first time the ship's run into trouble.

[George W. Bush is shocked that there's stack of books in such close proximity to him while promoting his new book, "Decisions Points," in Dallas today. Image via Getty.]

Joel Klein, who's been the head of the New York City school system since 2002, is stepping down—to take a job at News Corp. One insane job to another! His replacement: Hearst chairman Cathie Black.

In late September, Jon Stewart appeared at a Manhattan Barnes & Noble to promote his new book. A 9/11 Truther shouted some "9/11 truth" questions at him. Afterwards, a Daily Show executive producer punched that Truther in the face.

In your laughable Tuesday media column: Sarah Palin feuds comically with the WSJ, nobody watched the George Bush interview, Salon is (still) broke, and Gerald Levin returns to the media, for some reason.

Poor, on-the-mend Courtney Love will do anything to get close to Adrien Brody. Also today: Some harsh words for Demi Lovato's dad, Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky part ways, Bristol Palin has a problem, and a naked pregnant lady.

Former BP chief Tony Hayward is back! Speaking for the first time since his resignation, he said that all of those pesky reporters were part of an unjust media "feeding frenzy" and that he'd definitely go sailing mid-spill again, too.

Scientific research has proved that "hyper-texting" teens—those who send 120 or more texts per day—are derelict, horny druggies. Well, at least compared to teens who text less, they are. Hyper-texters also like to fight and binge drink.

Who: Comic writer Ames is blessed with a total lack of inhibition when it comes to his work, which mines the embarrassing, the shocking, and the sexually transgressive to tragicomic effect. He admits to being "probably the gayest straight writer in America."

A poll on TVGuide.com is asking the public to vote on the best teen role model on TV. Bristol Palin only has 4% of the vote just behind that hussy Miley Cyrus. iCarly's Miranda Cosgrove leads by a wide margin.

Being something of an expert in the business, Lindsay Lohan's mom thinks she should open a chain of rehab centers. Also today: Kelly Bensimon can't stop embarrassing her kids, Joe Francis happily civilizes his union, and some Twilight news.

The California Department of Corrections somehow managed to get enough sodium thiopental — a drug used in lethal injections — to kill four people, even though the supply has run out across the country. So much for this lucky break.

[John Travolta sings songs from "Grease" at the Qantas Airways 90th birthday celebration in Brisbane, Australia. Way to pick the winning team! Image via Getty]

European scientists are still trying to destroy the Earth with the Large Hadron Collider Doomsday Machine, this time by creating a "mini Big Bang" that shot reactor temperatures up "a million times hotter" than the Sun's core. We're so screwed.

Who: WNBC lead anchor Sue Simmons has been reading the headlines to New Yorkers alongside Chuck Scarborough for more than a quarter century.