When I tell the young Marie Claire assistant seated next to me at the Reem Acra Fall 2013 fashion show that I write for Gawker, she becomes very excited because she attended Northwestern and sometimes Gawker writes about Northwestern.

In what can only be interpreted as a grave, provocative gesture against extraterrestrials by the people of Earth, the U.S. Government's National Aeronautics and Space Administration announced plans to broadcast a new single by entertainer will.i.am from the planet Mars Tuesday afternoon.

It's been a mere four days since Katie Holmes filed for divorce, ending her five-year marriage to Tom Cruise, and it's already shaping up to be one of the messiest, most mysterious divorces Hollywood has seen in a while. Amid Katie's attempt to gain full custody of Suri, rumors that Scientology is to blame for the split, and claims that members of the church are following her, Katie Holmes has now fired her entire security team. They were allegedly, "too close to Tom."

Lola Versus, a rom-com-ish movie about a woman who goes looking for herself after she's dumped the same day she tries on her wedding dress, opened this past weekend to bad numbers and worse reviews. Starring Greta Gerwig, directed by Daryl Wein and co-written by Zoe Lister Jones, it brought in a meager $31,815 (in New York and L.A. only, but still) and trailed behind its same-genre competitor, Safety Not Guaranteed.

Today the organization Unite Women joined forces with other pro-women organizations to orchestrate marches and rallies throughout the country.

Close call, everyone: a German artist has been denied the ability to perform his piece Death as Metamorphosis, in which he was going to strangle two puppies to death on stage. Despite the horrific, seemingly anti-puppy content, the artist claims he had the noblest of intentions.

Today we learned that Neil Patrick Harris is officially the most popular golden charmboy America has ever seen. And he's looking to solidify this well-earned title by scootin' on over next to red washing machine lady, Kelly Ripa to take Regis' place. One commenter thinks NPH should skip daytime TV and head for the Oval Office instead.

Alaska Congressman Don Young, who has trouble showing up for work, actually rode his snowmobile all the way to Washington to attend Friday's House Natural Resources Committee hearing and say swear words, most notably in the direction of fancy historian Douglas Brinkley.

Pity the little boy-child of Peterborough United player Gabriel Zakuani, who will have to go through life as "Trendy." Or at least the part of his life leading up to the day when he legally changes his name to something less humiliating—i.e., almost anything else.

Regardless of whether he's guilty of allegedly raping a hotel maid, Dominique Strauss-Kahn should probably be kept away from all women, forever. His conduct was so ridiculous that Air France reportedly ordered an all-male flight crew to wait on DSK.

Angelina adds a new coordinate to the tattooed list of her children's birthplaces. Charlie Sheen gets a standing ovation in Cleveland. Nick Cannon rather regrets taking "nasty" naked pictures with Mariah. Wednesday gossip is feeling broody.

Being the star of an MTV reality show is not the pinnacle of all human existence. The Situation told E! that he's got bigger plans. What plans? If you guessed opening a chain of fondue restaurants you wold be wrong.

Charlie Sheen cut a porn star $30,000 after she partied with him. Sheen also says he's fine. Demi Lovato returns from rehab, and Chris Brown wants to go to awards shows with Rhianna. Saturday Gossip Roundup!

Does the Justice Department really need to appeal the recent decision that found "Don't Ask Don't Tell" unconstitutional, under its duty to defend existing federal law? Eh, not really, says ex-solicitor general Ted Olson, of Prop 8 trial fame.

[Jimmy Carter lands in Boston with Aijalon Gomes, the American citizen whose prison release Carter secured from North Korea. Now, American citizens: let's stop wandering across the North Korean border, okay? We're running out of ex-presidents. Image via Getty.]

For anyone who's ever considered counterfeit luxury products harmless-after all, what's a fake Vuitton or Chanel bag, or some faux-logo Coach or Fendi?-Scientific American has a study in its new September issue that may make you reconsider.

Flooding in Pakistan has already left an estimated 20 million people homeless and killed at least 1,500. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon visited flooded areas and appealed for help: "The scale of this disaster is so large." [BBC; Getty]

AOL's money website WalletPop composed a list of the worst American cities to live in based on the climate, unemployment and foreclosure figures, crime stats, etc. Naturally, Detroit and LA both made the cut. But there were some surprises, too.

The reports of BP CEO Tony Hayward being removed as oil spill czar are all wrong, says a company spokeswoman. Hayward is simply spending "some rare private time" watching his sailboat, Bob, race around the Isle of Wight today.