Following in the mouthsteps of his friend Gilbert Gottfried at the behest of his fans, star of stage and screen and Star Trek George Takei decided it was finally time to expose himself to the Twilight "inspired" fanrotica of Fifty Shades of Grey and recite a few choice passages.

Star Trek's Mr. Sulu, George Takei, finally figured out the abbreviation "FF" on Twitter means "follow Friday," and not "fist fuck" as it does on homosexual sex websites. The end of his week just got a lot sadder.

Join the biggest, toughest gang in the city: the Boy Scouts! This 1985 ad features George Takei's intimidating and then welcoming face as he pitches the largest youth organization in America. Too bad he wouldn't be allowed to join.

Tonight Wolowitz's sexual fantasies featured two sci-fi all-stars. Battlestar Galactica's Katee Sackhoff reprized her role as his imaginary paramore, while Star Trek's George Takei made an unexpected cameo in Wolowitz's subconscious.

Confused as to why GLAAD did not find his punditry offensive, Colbert examined his crew and discovered that he avoided GLAAD's wrath due to his love of Bud Light Lime.

Carmen Electra is 37 today. Jessica Lange is 60. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens turns 89. Real estate mogul Bill Rudin is turning 54. Ryan O'Neal is 68. Author Heidi Julavits is 41. Victoria's Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr turns 26. NFL Network chief Steve Bornstein turns 57. Artist Matthew Day Jackson is 35. George Takei of Star Trek fame is turning 72. Journalist Andrew Tobias is 62. And '80s sitcom star Joey Lawrence turns 33 today.

But now that Shatner has a real show—Raw Nerve, on the Biography Channel—his bluster has been turned up a notch, as he insists former Star Trek co-star and snub-happy Gay Bridezilla George Takei needs to be "vetted" before being invited onto his show. Does Takei even want to be on his show? Apparently he does! Could someone bring in Christian Bale to smack the last wheezes of this never-ending cutesy feud out of both of them? ("Ohhhh gooood!!! Dah dah dah dah I didn't get invited to the gay wedd—SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE PRICKS! IT'S FUCKING DISTRACTING!!") [YouTube]

The bitter online video fight between former Enterprise crew mates William Shatner and George Takei today reached what appears to be its penultimate round, with Shatner and his daughter/Star Trek grudge repository Liz discussing what exactly it might take to arrange peace between the actors.We can't be sure if Shatner's professed annoyance with his onetime co-star stems more from his recent accusations on Entertainment Tonight or simply that ET syndicated Takei's grievance while Shatner's crack psychoanalysis episodes wither on YouTube, but in any case, there can be no mistaking the tentative olive branch extended herein. We hope Takei accepts and that together, they may reach the final frontier of detente. Or at least that Shatner can just get a copy of Takei's wedding video and call it good. [YouTube]

It was only a matter of time before the alleged psychotic gay bridezilla that is George Takei fired back at his one-time TV captain William Shatner, whose claims that Takei invited every living Star Trek alumnus but him to his wedding met stiff, Suluian resistance in an interview airing this evening on Entertainment Tonight. After the jump, hear all the honors, weddings, funerals and other events Shatner has shined on in apparently forsaking his chums from the Final Frontier. "We keep reaching out and reaching out," Takei says, "but he takes that and twists it and crumples it and turns it into something that's rather... ugly." Damn it, Jim! So can the relationship ever be mended? Yes, nods Takei, laying down terms we hope find the actors setting aside their differences at last — for the gays' sake, if not Shatner's own. (Be warned, their video is set to autoplay. It's psychotic, too!)Click to view

♦ Guy Ritchie supposedly cried after seeing son Rocco wearing a Yankees t-shirt this week. So sensitive! Or maybe not so much: Ritchie also reportedly described Madonna as "old, fat, ugly and wrinkled," and said she couldn't sing. [Us, NYDN]
♦ Not only did Lindsay Lohan's stint on Ugly Betty get cut short because she didn't get along with America Ferrera, LiLo clashed with everyone else on set, too. Also, she enjoys snipping out photos of herself from the tabloids. [P6]
♦ Jennifer Aniston's publicist is denying she's pregnant. [ET]
♦ Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen spent four days in the hospital with a "potentially life-threatening throat-infection." But she was miraculously cured and released yesterday afternoon. [Us]

Official websites give celebrities a powerful way to fighti rumors or promote new projects, free of the pesky filter of the entertainment media. But it's becoming clear vanity sites can backfire. Beatles drummer Ringo Starr recently pissed off fans by admonishing them, via his website, to stop sending him mail. And now William Shatner has taped a long diatribe against his Star Trek co-star George Takei, who allegedly did not invite Shatner to his recent gay wedding. It can't be long before Shatner yanks his YouTube video on Takei's "sickness" and "psychosis" over who got more camera time forty years ago, particularly now that Takei has told AP that Shatner was, in fact, invited to the wedding. And if Shatner really meant to attack "Takei's decision to come out of the closet later in life," as AP has it, he'll probably be getting left off many more invite lists in the future. Click the video icon to watch the highlights.

Nothing on the fall TV schedule has captured our imaginations more than a tiny, as-yet-untitled program to recently premiere on YouTube, which we informally refer to around Defamer HQ as The William Shatner Has Seriously Lost His Fucking Mind Show. Accompanied by dutiful daughter Liz—the product, it's widely rumored, of a one-beam-stand with a hot little green number from Orion—Shatner has moved on from obsessing over his snubbing from the new Star Trek movie, and now has an entirely new rebuff to fixate on: his exclusion from the George Takei-Brad Altman nuptials.While he enters the conversation with almost Vulcan-like logic (his former Star Trek co-star, whom he "barely knows" but desperately wishes he could have tossed fistfuls of rice at, suffers from acute psychosis-induced jealousy), things quickly start to devolve around the two-minute mark. It's at that point that Shatner begins to drift off to the outer realms, where not even the most up-to-date Universal Translators would be able to untangle his meandering theories on what might have been eating at the bridge's furtively Redshirt-lusting lieutenant all these years.

• Lindsay Lohan called Sarah Palin a "narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe" on Lohan's MySpace page, citing a conference her church on "converting" gays. "She can suck it." [MySpace, Daily News]

If you found yourself skipping over to the fridge for a glass of O.J. feeling refreshingly sanguine this morning, we think we may know the reason why: Today marks the first day since the historic overturning of the gay marriage ban that same-sex couples could show up to any county clerks' office in the state to apply for a marriage license and, in most cases, tie the paisley knot. LAist has photos of the couple who started it all by challenging the ruling, and, fittingly, were first to benefit at a traditional Jewish ceremony held yesterday beneath an all-orientation-welcoming chupah. A reader sent in the above photo of George Takei and his—OMGay! Husband!—Brad Altman, who showed up bright and early to West Hollywood City Hall to collect their marriage license. Takei told reporters, "Today we are all here to give flesh and blood reality to that ruling. We are going to make history. Congratulations to all of us and may equality live long and prosper." Still, gay leaders are cautioning their people to buffer their enthusiasm, the LAT reports:

We hardly think it would be an overstatement to suggest that California is currently gripped with a severe case of Gay Marriage Fever, a rare condition whose only cure is bearing witness to thousands of fabulously over-the-top, same-sex nuptials. On the heels of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi's joyful announcement that they'd finally make official their loving halfway home to hundreds of our city's homeless mongrels, comes this AP report via ABCNews.com—the same news outlet who sensitively proclaimed, "Stars' Gay Marriage Possible Career Suicide" shortly following the ruling—detailing the whirlwind romance of newly engaged Hikaru "George Takei" Sulu and his totally hunkycakes fiancé, Brad Altman:

If you were to conduct a poll of the 276 million people living in these here United States asking what they'd REALLY like to know about their favorite celebrities, we're pretty sure you'd be hard pressed to find even one person who's wondering whether or not country music star Clint Black is any good at stand-up comedy. Still, that didn't stop CBS from devoting close to 6 minutes of airtime last night to answering that very question as part of their brand new show, Secret Talents Of The Stars. Sandwiched between segments of other equally perplexing talents of Z-listers (Can George Takei sing country music? Can Mya dance? Does a bear shit in the woods?), Clint Black spent some time prepping his stand-up routine with old friend Garry Shandling at the preeminent comedy hotspot for people born in the 1950s, The Comedy Store. Unfortunately for all of us, when a clearly concerned Shandling asked the yukless Black if "he had any OTHER secret talents" besides comedy, Black's answer was no. Shandling's advice and Black's so-bad-it's-bad performance follow after the jump.

Appearing on internet-only talk show LateNet with Ray Ellin, Hank Azaria regaled the audience with the origins of his many classic characters from The Simpsons, admitting he had to devise his own George Takei when the original was politely not asked back after he "creeped out a lot of the staff," and bestowed the nickname "Angel" upon rewrite-distributing intern C.J. [dailycomedy.com, Page Six]

Sure, last night's Comedy Central roast of William Shatner was all about the Dick-licking. On the other end of the wholesomeness scale was proudly out Star Trek actor George Takei, having plenty of chuckles at Shatner's expense as well as his own. The camera went to him frequently, proving that the Comedy Central producers were just as fascinated as we were by Takei's joyous open-mouthed laugh-rictus. Above is a homage of Takei's best laughs, plus bonus man-smooch courtesy of roast comedian Jeff Ross.