PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, global warming will surely accelerate at an even faster rate! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you watched Janice Dickinson eat two buckets of popcorn during the course of just one movie.

• Singer Britney Spears reunited with desperate paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, who she had ditched after finding incriminating text chats with another girl on his iPhone. Just prior to taking Ghalib back, Spears was photographed bumping her head, hard. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, as Spears surely likes to say.

Don't need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you're on vacation
There's something sweet you can't buy with money — lick it up, lick it up
It's all you need, so believe me honey
It ain't a crime to be good to yourself
Thank you, Gene Simmons et al., for those words of wisdom. Some questioned why Valleywag, a respectable business publication, posted about the release of the Kiss bassist's sex tape online. To which the only rational response is: It's on the Internet. Lick it up.

"Exactly how many women have there been in Gene Simmons' life?" That's the teaser in an ad for the old KISS frontman's reality show, Family Jewels. The new season of the show debuts March 11 on A&E, and the promo campaign for it is in full effect. Which has some people asking: Was that sex tape all a big publicity stunt?

Shockingly, Gene Simmons' on-camera strumming of one "Elsa" was not the fairytale romance it seemed. Everyone thought Elsa was just an innocent energy-drink spokesmodel who happened to fall for former KISS bassist Simmons, but she's actually some kind of professional at internet sexiness, having posed topless in exchange for money. Also outrageous: Her name isn't really Elsa, it's Traci Anna Koval, and she might not even be Australian but Dutch! Fleshbot has topless pics of Koval (NSFW) and more backstory. Worse still, the woman may have reneged on a deal with Simmons to keep the sex video hushed. Simmons' lawyers told Valleywag that Koval signed over rights to the tape in 2003 and that it was filmed without Simmons' consent. But the company now selling the tape said Koval sold rights to them, and that the tape is only nine months old. It's getting to the point where a scuzzy B-list rocker can't get a quick lay from a woman half his age without getting taken advantage of. [Fleshbot (NSFW), Valleywag (safe)]

WebProNews writer Jason Lee Miller has no problem with Melissa Gira Grant's awesome, awesome service journalism for underserved Valley boys. But he's taken aback by that Gene Simmons video. I wondered myself: Why is it on Valleywag? "The ecosystem that the Valley, from Google on down, has built," editor Owen Thomas replied, "enabled Simmons to bypass the traditional media and promote himself directly to fans." Translation: It was on the Internet!

When GenesSecret.com burst upon the scene on Tuesday, we questioned whether it really featured Kiss bassist Gene Simmons, or just a lookalike. The revolution of the gossip culture wrought by the Web has transformed the consumption of celebrity lives. Since Paris Hilton went exposed, we're awash in fake sex-tape videos. But Simmons's own lawyers have now confirmed that the video on GenesSecret.com is the real deal. The pantsless, T-shirt-wearing man in the video is in fact Simmons, in a cease-and-desist letter they sent to Valleywag.

In case you're looking, here is the safe-for-work summary, with screencaps, of the Gene Simmons sex tape". The full-motion horror of the aging KISS star's encounter, with a reluctant-looking blonde, is on a Fleshbot page, two links away. Consider yourselves warned.

At first revolting glance, the Gene Simmons sex tape might seem like the sad ploy of a desperate, B-list celebrity for attention and money. Watch it closely, however, and the black-and-white footage reveals itself as a touching union of two souls, a dance of admiration and tenderness between weary spiritual rebels. Can a washed-up rock-and-roll bassist and an Australian marketing "babe" called Elsa make it in a hostile world when all they've got is a video camera, some pillows shaped like cats — and each other? Will Elsa ever overcome her intimacy issues and kiss Gene? Would Gene rather look at Elsa, or at himself? Either watch the video yourself (NSFW), or follow the drama in this totally-safe-for-work film strip adaptation of the Gene Simmons Sex Tape:

The KISS bassist strums some chords. "We can't help but thank him for leaving his goddamn shirt on." [Fleshbot]

· Because nothing says "I'm a good dad" like psychotically destroying a wooden desk with a sledgehammer! Score another one for Ben Silverman, this guy can't lose. [NBC.com]
· Our pervy (in a good way!) brethren over at Fleshbot got their hands on a clip of Gene Simmons giving a half-hearted rogering to some blonde lass. You have been warned, the clip is both NSFW and NSF-YourStomach. [Fleshbot]
· While we didn't actually take the time to read Esquire's Kate Beckinsale quiz, we spend a lot of time looking at the pictures. Wonder if this means we passed. [Esquire]
· Whoever convinced ScarJo to get that horrible tattoo on her forearm needs to be reprimanded. [ONTD]
· How does one top off a day in which millions and millions of Americans looked at your breasts? If you're Lindsay Lohan, you do it by going to watch Monday Night Raw. With no pants on. [The Sun]

"Watch the sex tape Gene doesn't want you to see," GenesSecret.com promises. The website purportedly hosts a NSFW sex tape of Kiss frontman Gene Simmons. Leave aside the question of whether anyone wants to see Simmons in flagrante. Does Simmons himself really object to the site? Nothing revives the Q factor of an aging rocker like a bit of scandal. Since he's no longer recording, just touring, he doesn't have a skittish label to appease. And thanks to the Internet, he doesn't have to rely on the tabloids to get his name out. Welcome to the age of DIY career makeovers. Is it really Simmons? Judge for yourself from these excerpts in which his face is most visible:

It used to be that the creepiness of aging, B-List rockers was confined to whatever mall or car dealership they were opening, but now through the miracle of the internet, they are all practically swarming with aging fans across the country. Also, they can have extremely creepy conversations involving strip clubs, dry humping, propositions and the word "mommy," as in this recent clip of a run in between Gene Simmons and a fan, apparently one of many in line to have creepy conversations with the former KISS bassist:

We're still having a hard time coming to grips with (spoiler alert!) the abrupt dismissal of Gene Simmons from NBC's Used-To-Be-Marginally-Famous Apprentice last week. While we concede that Gene got himself tossed because of his stubbon refusal to abide by the golden rule of new business pitches (that being, "the client is ALWAYS right"), we can't help but feel like the flaxen-haired Donald Trump made a grave mistake by ditching one of the few contestants on the show with any semblance of personality. From his shaky grasp of Greek mythology to his repeated attempts at fondling the long stemmed Ivanka Trump, Mean Gene provided this slumping nation of ours with at least 94 seconds of truly inspired reality television moments. Which, coincidentally, is the exact length of the moving video tribute that Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer composed to honor the recently fired general of the KISS Army. Watch and enjoy, it's bound to be more fun than the now Simmons-less series.