How did this music video for Real Housewife Countess LuAnn De Lesseps' aural abomination "Money Can't Buy You Class" exist for three days without us seeing it? It's because they've completely rearranged her face!

Sure, Iron Man 2 and other big-ticket adventures have already opened, but we here at Gawker are traditionalists. For us, summer begins on Memorial Day. So put on those white shoes (finally!) and let's look at this season's popcorn flicks.

One heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger lost a bike belonging to his roommate, another heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger. Solution: Judge Judy. Sir, you paid how much for that bike? On what planet, sir? [BBNYC via City Room]

On part two of Housewives' study of a woman on the verge, the Virgin Island girls drank some very non-virgin drinks and got to squawking. And then, sadly, Kelly Killoren Bensimon exploded.

Liza Minnelli singing "Single Ladies" in Sex and the City 2 is perhaps the gayest thing ever. The only problem: it's bad. Really bad. We can't possibly blame Liza, so who's fault is it? Someone must pay! [The Awl]

Here's a trailer for Charlie St. Cloud, a Zac Efron weeper about a sexy sailor boi with a dead little brother and a major case of sexy sailor girl boner. It's not Nicholas Sparks, but it might as well be!

Here are the funniest moments of Conan O'Brien's recent visit to Google's Silicon Valley headquarters, including the comedian riffing on Google's "entitled a-hole" staff—and a cutting impersonation of Jay Leno that apparently violated legal constraints.

Barbara Walters announced on The View that she's taking time off to have a heart valve replaced. The 80-year-old TV journalist says she's confident the surgery will go well and says she's looking forward to a "vacation."

The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner was tonight, your only chance to catch Justin Bieber and Tim Geithner in the same room. You weren't invited; neither were we. What did we miss? Jokes!

Our buddies at Gawker.TV have obtained EXCLUSIVE LEAKED voicemails from Steve Jobs to the bar where a drunk engineer left their super-secret iPhone. Check them out here. (They are made up.)

As Iceland's erupting volcano continues to drive European aviation to crisis and mispronouncing American broadcast journalists to tears, Eyjafjallajokull continues to chug plumes of volcanic ash into the air. Watch Eyjafjallajokull's pouf grow.

Tonight on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert interviewed Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. We were wondering how Colbert would handle a subject as serious as a video showing 12 people being killed. Well, he handled it pretty seriously.

HBO's Horatio Alger story for FoHos living in paradise came to a close last night. How did it end? Did they make it? No. They learned that absolutely everyone—themselves included—is a criminal.

Studying sperm competition in fruit flies, scientist Mollie Manier color-coded their junk and made videos of sperm "racing around the female's genital tract at high speed, like miniature formula-one cars," according to one awed science writer.

Andy Rooney believes that many people who unjustifiably held good jobs would be better off picking up trash. Now complete the circle, Andy Rooney.

Tiger Woods gave his first interview since his multiple affairs to ESPN's Tom Rinaldi. Rinaldi was allowed to ask whatever he wanted — but the interview was restricted to five minutes. Here's the video.

Or: "Firefighter Becomes Fire Hazard." A woman came home on St. Patrick's Eve to find a passed-out man in an FDNY uniform blocking her door. Thank God she had a Blackberry to capture the special moment on video.

HBO's Horatio Alger story for hipsters taught us less about how to make it and more about how to make out. Or how not to if you get, you know, bisexual urges while dropping X with your girlfriend.

Well. I think it's official. Men are more interesting and better at things than women. Sorry JezeFriskyXX.com. It's just how things played out in the ol' game of evolution. I'm basing this on scientific Idol Evidence, mind you. Truly credible.

This report, fictionally filed by NPR correspondent Nina Totenberg, shows that the female residents of a house at 2000 S St., NW in Washington, D.C. are not only influenced by negative media portrayals of their gender, but also perpetuate them.