This website once ran a valuable column called “Hey, Science” that got the stupid scientific questions of you, the readers, answered by real live experts. Not every question made the cut.

The media is often granted access to important people. What responsibility—if any—do news outlets have to not be dirty, desperate, pitiful whores in exchange for this access?

A man who accidentally fell into the back of a dump truck reportedly survived the garbage ordeal by building himself a trash coffin.

Have you ever carefully stockpiled trash, only to have it disappear the moment your back was turned? According to a study published Tuesday from researchers at North Carolina State University, ants could be the culprit.

Gristle repurposing factory McDonald's saw its profit fall by 30% this quarter, with sales here in the USA continuing their weak streak. The problem? McDonald's thinks it's some kind of fancy restaurant now.

An easy way to be a better person:

What this nation needs is a pair of overcompensated white male centrists who will bring us more horse race-style political journalism.

"A Denim Suit for Business Dudes? Ralph Lauren Thinks So." Nope.

Tall socialist and New York City mayor "Bill" de Blasio is in the process of moving from his "regular guy" Brooklyn home into the "fancy guy" mayoral residence. He left some free crap on the curb, just like you did when you moved.

In Pizza Hut's quest to reinvent itself as a restaurant serving food fit for human consumption, no tactic is too radical. Pizzas made by actual humans? You bet. And now the dynamic company is making the boldest innovation of all.

Sonic, a fast food chain that differentiates itself by delivering garbage directly to your parked car, plans to expand into every last empty lot in the United States of America.

Hot Pockets, a brand of garbage available in your grocer's freezer until this week's recall, apparently has many fans who share their love for the diseased-meat snacks on Twitter. But how many of these pre-recall Hot Pockets tweets ended in death?

Warning: BuzzFeed's "Which '90s Alt-Rock Grrrl Are You?" quiz may not be entirely accurate.

The Boston Globe reports that the Red Sox almost pulled the plug on their fake tradition of playing the fake-fun musical atrocity "Sweet Caroline" at the ballpark, but the song's sentimental use after the marathon bombing ensured Fenway will be stuck with it forever.

Here, from the Energy and Commerce Committee of the United States House of Representatives, is a roundup of generic reaction gifs presented for the sake of convincing you and your fellow citizens that the proposed Keystone XL oil pipeline is sound public policy.

The entire history of the environmental movement can be best explained as "some humans trying to fix or at least slow down what all the other humans are doing." A new report from the Ocean Conservancy says 560,000 people volunteered to pull garbage out of the seas last year, and they got a huge haul of toxic crap!

Screw you, New York Times /
This is weak, joyless garbage /
Nor is it haiku.

The ripped-from-the-headlines plot of last night's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit was inspired by Chris Brown's 2009 assault of his on-again-off-again girlfriend Rihanna. Disingenuously, the episode opened with a disclaimer: "The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event." Perhaps this is the disclaimer for every episode of this godawful show, but it was particularly untrue last night as the show went on to reference Chris Brown's apology video, Chris Brown's bowtie, Chris Brown's dick pic, Chris Brown's duet(s) with Rihanna, Rihanna's request to relax the restraining order she was granted, the leaked picture of Rihanna's battered face, Chris Brown's tattoo that kind of resembles Rihanna's battered face and Chris Brown and Rihanna's voluminous social-media interactions. Look at all of those coincidences and marvel at their hilariously incompetent executions.

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise (is it sans the Cruise yet? Who can know?) were hit by a steaming, simmering New York City-summer pile of garbage yesterday as they were leaving Chelsea Piers after a day of more mandatory normalcy.