President Obama will become a Man, finally, when he turns 50 on August 4 — the same day our first post-debt ceiling deadline interest payment is due! Yikes, let's forget about that. Because Obama will have some other priorities on this day of days: raking in as much money as possible for his campaign. You can't turn him down on his birthday, either; it would be against the Geneva Conventions, maybe.

Koch Industries, the wealthy industrial corporation run by right-wing activist billionaires David and Charles Koch, recently got a standard-issue voicemail solicitation from Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee chair Sen. Patty Murray, asking for money. A simple "no, sorry" wouldn't suffice. The company's PR chief had to publish an arch letter condemning Murray for hypocrisy, along with a recording of her voicemail.

You know why Mitt Romney will win the Republican nomination for president? Because he has the most money, the end.

Vice President Joe Biden was sent on Obama fundraising duty last week, but he reportedly told donors to not count him out for a 2016 presidential run. He'd be 74. Would you support Barack Obama's elderly comedic foil?

We Americans are trying to face the important issues to this country, but the Obama campaign only seems interested in perpetuating Silly Season. These carnival barkers are now selling limited edition "Made in the USA" tee shirts featuring images of the president's birth certificate on the back.

So, Michele Bachmann... she is probably just pretending to consider a run for president in order to raise PAC money? But maybe she's serious? We haven't conclusively determined where Bachmann's potential candidacy lands on the fake/real spectrum. But the murmurs are certainly helping her raise cash. And now she's introduced a tiered donation system in her latest email solicitation: $25 bucks for another House run, $50 "or $100" for a presidential run. Checkbooks out, chop chop!

Pity Newt Gingrich, the unpopular politician from the 1990s who now wants to be president. He raised only $53,000 in the first quarter of 2011. Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney, for perspective, raised $2.2 and $1.9 million respectively.

President Obama has officially filed the paperwork for his 2012 reelection bid, as you may have been notified by email, text, tweet, second email, carrier pigeon, secret government brainwave transmission, and so on. The announcements comes with this video of campaign supporters urging you to begin constant grassroots organizing efforts, immediately. The campaign website asks "Are you in?" and urges you to "Get In with Facebook."

Move out of the way, "Young Guns." A considerably more important three-person clique has emerged in the ranks of America's top Republicans. They are called "The Joe's" — don't know what's going on with that apostrophe, but okay — and they're headlining what they themselves have termed the "Political Event of the Year," a.k.a. any Tea Party fundraiser.

Here's an educational new video, courtesy of Think Progress, of that most common feature in American democracy: a Republican politician asking billionaire overlord David Koch for money.

Failed GOP Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell is back, and she's telling supporters she wants her newly formed political action committee ChristinePAC to "investigate and counter attack leftwing groups."

SNL's Andy Samberg, who impersonated Rahm Emanuel when he was White House chief of staff, will headline a fundraiser for Emanuel's Chicago mayoral campaign.

Try going to your favorite website, GOP.com — home of the Republican National Committee — now. It should redirect you to a site named "The Gift of Christmas Future." This is what donations to the Republican party are called now.

Vulgar ex-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel has a massive lead in early Chicago mayoral polling. And now singer-actress Jennifer Hudson is going help him raise money! He's in great shape, assuming he doesn't get kicked off the ballot.

Former Bush administration Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, that crony everyone hated several years ago, has enlisted 23 former Cabinet colleagues to help raise money for his endless legal bills. Read their joint letter and contribute here! Or do something else.

The Republican National Committee is having some trouble paying people on time and has acknowledged a "cashflow challenge" — the challenge being that little cash is flowing, currently. What is wrong with you, America? Donate to your Republican party, now.

Since being elected as Republican National Committee chairman almost two years ago, Michael Steele has survived constant calls for his resignation, only to preside over historic GOP congressional wins. His reward? Probably losing his job.

The tax-dodging plutocrats at Google, anticipating a change of power, donated more to Republicans than Democrats last quarter.

The professional Democrats at Organizing for America, the political organization spun off from Barack Obama's 2008 campaign staff, aren't bullshitting anymore in their fundraising pleas. The subject line of their latest mass email? "I'm writing to ask you for money."

Weird ol' Nevada Senate candidate Sharron Angle raised $14 million last quarter — far, far more than any other candidate.