Fellow worker: I wish you a very joyous “Struggle Against American Imperialism” month. Raise high your fists against the hostile animalistic imperialist!

Naaaants een-vwen-yaaaaaaa ma-ba-gee-chi-ba-va (See-tee-hoummmm gwen-ya-maaaaa). And the old lion Giorgio Armani rose anew from the sea Thursday, January 1, 2015, surrounded by youthful companions.

Faceless hackers—reportedly sponsored by a brutal regime —have succeeded in striking so much fear into the movie industry that nobody will show The Interview. Well, not us. We'd like to formally offer to show it.

Washington, DC PR man David Bass has a perfectly good explanation for why he was charged with a felony for disrupting a flight: He was all hopped up on Benadryl! He was awake traveling for five three days! He wanted wine!

Richard Whitehurst is an artist in Columbus, Ohio. He's building a big wooden tunnel, and if you crawl through it, he will rape you [Update: Or will he??].

Are you a sad football-watching drunk who wants nothing more than to guzzle cheap American beer and pass out in front of the flickering televised sporting contest, momentarily forgetting your copious problems? No, you're the future of beer marketing!

Your stupid corporate cost-cutting stories (and photo, above) are getting worse better and better! Today's cuts: plants, scanners, entire offices, and all appreciation of employees, period: