Goodnight, friends.

You oafish hillbillies who spend your time reading Gawker.com may not realize this, but respectable people who went to respectable schools like Yale have their very own high class private clubs in Manhattan. Do not sully them with your tasteless “novelty” t-shirts!

Grim-face political celebukid and New York governor Andrew Cuomo has long vowed that he wants to reform the corrupt political cesspool that is Albany. How's that going?

The four heirs to Sam Walton's Wal-Mart fortune are collectively worth $106 billion. Well, they earned it.

Private equity kingpin and walking manifestation of bad PR for the top 1% Stephen Schwarzman had a great, great year this year. This rich, selfish bastard—who compared a plan to raise taxes on private equity firms to Hitler invading Poland, and who stated that his number one New Year's wish, in the midst of the worst recession in a century, was to create a "tax-free zone" for wealthy foreign nationals in New York—had an outstanding 2011, compensation-wise.

Okay, time to say goodbye. I'm moving eight blocks up the street. This has been absurd. I'm starting at the Village Voice tomorrow. This is embarassing. TLDR warning. Whatever. Here we go:

Are you sick of Jon and Kate Gosselin? Probably. But that's not going to stop the media from writing about them. They apparently just discovered the story, and in a room in Minnesota, news types are wringing their hands over missing it for so long.