Turns out it might not be your laziness, stubbornness, or general God-given incompetence making you stupid: it could just be all the delicious high fructose corn syrup you eat.

Are you one of those Coca-Cola snobs, who will only drink Mexican Coke because it's made with cane sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup? (I am.) You may be the victim of the biggest food cover-up in years!