Tall socialist and New York City mayor "Bill" de Blasio is in the process of moving from his "regular guy" Brooklyn home into the "fancy guy" mayoral residence. He left some free crap on the curb, just like you did when you moved.

The life of an ever-vigilant anti-government armed patriot is hard. And by hard, I mean dull and unproductive. Also, not very profitable. Maybe that's why all those guys hanging out cleaning their guns in Nevada are now begging hard-working Americans to please give them some money.

BEVERLY HILLS— Beverly Hills is not a real place in the real world. Beverly Hills is what happens when you take the "Beverly Hills" pavilion at Epcot Center, expand it a thousandfold, and populate it with actors playing real people.

Every film directed by the legendary Andrei Tarkovsky is now available online, for free. Start with Andrei Rubelev.

We've got a brace of books we want to give you—books by Daisy Fuentes, Ivanka Trump and celebrity economist Nassim Nicholas Taleb, among others. Go to our Facebook page for details on how to win this exciting bounty.

That is the only conclusion a reasonable person can reach reading this new Pew Foundation report. Paywalls are anathema. Nobody clicks on ads. The value of news is zero dollars and zero cents. The future of news is awesome.

We're in such a rush to get the hell out of Iraq that we're leaving as much as $30 million worth of equipment there. "In Iraq, people drive around in new Yukons, Suburbans, Envoys," said one official. Sweet rides! [WaPo]

Hey! Our book is out! Today's the big day when this website joins the ranks of published authors such as Jose Canseco, Courtney Thorne-Smith, and Robert Olen Butler! To celebrate The Gawker Guide To Conquering All Media, we're gonna run three contests, because we got corporate to cough up some actual dough for prizes. We'll kick off with a quick and dirty yet secretly difficult contest. On October 19th, we'll randomly choose someone who correctly named all the people on the cover of the book and they will win an iPod video nano. You have to use our handy-dandy submission form—and naturally, the usual contest rules apply. Fair warning: Our upcoming contests will actually require you to, you know, have read the book.