Multiple penis pictures hit the market—will we see West's wang? Katy Perry plans a monochromatic wedding. David Arquette wishes he didn't talk shit about his estranged wife's sex life. Thursday gossip has 20/20 hindsight and bionic penis-vision.

• Jack McCollough's orange Oakleys couldn't cover up the scratch left behind by Kiefer Sutherland's headbutt the other night, although thankfully the Proenza Schouler co-founder wasn't seriously injuried in the incident. McCollough's rep said today he was the victim of a "vicious, violent, unprovoked assault." And the NYPD seems to agree. Sutherland is expected to be charged with assault tomorrow. [People, NYP]
• You may have thought Azzedine Alaïa was having a lousy week what with the plot by Anna Wintour to snub him at the Costume Institute gala. But he appears to be rebounding nicely. Michelle Obama wore a lovely Alaïa number to the Time magazine party last night. [FWD]
• Speaking of the gala, it raised $2 million less than last year. [WWD]
• Derek Lam's first boutique opens tonight. [Style.com]

• Salma Hayek wore a lovely gown by Balenciaga for her wedding to François-Henri Pinault, an entirely appropriate choice given Pinault's PPR happens to own Balenciaga. [Vogue UK, NYDN]
• Diane von Furstenberg says she's absolutely "mortified" that one of her jackets resembles an item designed by the Canadian label Mercy. A full investigation is underway, however. [WWD]
• "Washington, D.C., is the new New York," or so says Vogue's Billy Norwich. [Style.com]
• Sad, possibly true: "The client most crucial to luxury goods purveyors is no longer a Rockefeller but a Real Housewife of New York." [NYT]
• If your boyfriend/husband's birthday is coming up, be advised that Barneys is having a massive menswear sale next Monday. [Racked]

• Is Madonna leaning on her friends to hire boy-toy Jesus Luz so he can remain in the country legally? It's possible! [P6]
• Tyra Banks is expected to take the stand this week at the trial of the man accused of stalking her and threatening her staff. [NYDN, NYP]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are sending their attorneys after the couple's former bodyguard to ensure he doesn't write a tell-all about life in the Brangelina home. [NYDN]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault had a second wedding in Venice this weekend; guests on hand for the occasion included Anna Wintour, Ed Norton, Stella McCartney, Bono, Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson, Lucy Liu, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem. [NYDN, People]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tied the knot this weekend, too, although the event featured fewer A-listers and many more MTV cameras. [People]

Hackers have broken into Salma Hayek's email, revealing the actress's iPhone-app obsession, designer-clothes habit, travel plans, and more. (Her billionaire husband, François-Henri Pinault, who's throwing a second wedding for her this weekend, pays the bill!)

• Gwyneth Paltrow's latest goal? To get Mario Batali to lose weight, apparently. She's supposedly already given him a free membership to the gym she's opening with Tracy Anderson, since he's "the only fat friend she has, and wants him to change." [P6]
• Poor Jennifer Aniston has been "holed up" in her room at the Greenwich Hotel since arriving in New York a few weeks ago, supposedly because she's terrified of "bumping into Angie" on the street. [L&S]
• Michael Phelps and Miss California, Carrie Prejean. are apparently dating, or at least that's what Prejean's grandmother is saying. [NYDN]
• In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, Lindsay Lohan says she's "still in love" with Sam Ronson, and that their breakup "came out of nowhere." She's also lost a lot of weight, which you've probably already noticed. [OK!, People, NYDN]
• Tim Gunn says he hasn't been on a date in 26 years, but that he's okay with it because he's "very happy being alone." [NYDN]

• Is Lindsay Lohan heading back to rehab? That's what her mother, relatives, and friends are supposedly encouraging her to do, since she's been on a "self-destructive binge of partying, tears and breakdowns" ever since Sam Ronson broke up with her. To make matters worse, she keeps bumping into Sam everywhere she goes. Clearly, the girls need to decide once and for all which one's getting Chateau Marmont so this sort of thing stops happening. [OK!, L&S, P6]
• The Sun reports Madonna and Jesus Luz have reunited. As the story goes, Jesus came back to NYC to "perk up" Madge after all that trouble in Malawi and now they're like, going to Kabbalah classes and, like, eating dinner together and stuff. [Sun]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are supposedly dating again, even though they claim they're "just friends" in public. [NYDN, P6]
• "Real Housewife" Jill Zarin recently underwent breast reduction surgery. If you're lucky, you'll see the whole procedure go down on a future episode. [P6]

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson skipped out of a Valentine's Day appearance at the Hard Rock in Florida, supposedly because both had come down with the flu. But they didn't appear too sick the night before when the pair were spotted in a screaming match outside the Charlotte Ronson after-party on the Lower East Side. [People, NYP, NYDN]
• Chris Brown now says he's "sorry and saddened" over the incident with Rihanna. [LAT]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault got married on Saturday. [People]
• Amy Sacco says she's planning to do a reality show for Bravo. [NYDN]
• Dina Lohan owes $11,485 in back taxes on her Long Island home. [P6]
• Jesus Luz's mother says her son has been "kidnapped" by Madonna. Also, in case you're wondering, Madge is the same age as his grandmother. [NYP, DM]

• Hope you're ready to go through it all over again: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis have all agreed to participate in a Sex and the City movie sequel. [Us]
• Graydon Carter should really consider writing a nutrition cookbook: It seems Madonna's secret to eternal youth is the salmon with lentils at the Waverly Inn. [L&S]
• Still more drama from the inaugural festivities in DC earlier this week: Chris Matthews got pissed about having to wait on line, Sharon Stone was annoyed she had to co-host a segment on CNN with D.L. Hughley, and Halle Berry went into panic mode after her dress got caught in an escalator. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted on a flight doing yoga in the aisle recently. Is this becoming a trend? [Star]
• Charges against Mathias Guerrand-Hermès have been dropped. [NYDN]

• Sarah Jessica Parker is dying to cast Britney Spears as Carrie Bradshaw's younger cousin or niece in the next Sex and the City movie, or at least that's the rumor anyway. [MTV]
• Jeremy Piven was not on the plane that crashed yesterday, just in case you were worried or anything. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan says she works "as hard" as other actors, but she gets no credit due to the "mess that I created in my life." [NYP]
• Is John McCain thwarting our chance to see Cindy McCain on Dancing With the Stars? Say it isn't so! [P6]

The romance between Wall Street high rollers and contemporary artists was always going to be a Faustian pact, even though the Chelsea denizens who rode the wave of stratospheric prices haven't wanted to contemplate that fact. But they no longer have a choice as it becomes increasingly obvious that the collapse of the financial markets has pulled the art market right down with it.

♦ A long list of celebs have been involved in a last-minute effort to get out the vote for Obama, including Oprah, Diddy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Edie Falco, John McEnroe, Mary J. Blige, Russell Simmons, Beyonce, and Jay-Z. In the elderly celebrity writer department, Vanity Fair's Dominick Dunne says he postponed surgery so he could vote today. [R&M, Politico]
♦ Ivana Trump has been calling Marius Rusovici, the 23-year-old Belgian she's been hanging out with, "her boyfriend," although it may just be a plot to make Rossano Rubicondi jealous. Or stir up some press. Or both. [NYDN]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were spotted holding hands while their kids went trick-or-treating on the Upper East Side last Friday, which may or may not mean they're getting back together. [P6]
♦ Sumner Redstone's ex-wife, Paula Fortunato, is still living in his Beverly Hills mansion. But he may have already reunited with his ex-girlfriend, Manuela Herzer. [P6]

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]