We've gotten most of the new series premieres out of the way, and a funny thing happened—most of them are doing pretty well. What does all this mean?

Here is a video of various popular television news show hosts and elected officials—well, Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann (R-MN)—explaining that the census was part of a plot to round up patriotic Americans and place them in internment camps.

• Barack Obama's appearance on David Letterman's show last night helped the Late Night host score his second-highest ratings ever. [NYT, WP]
• Dan Rather scored a couple of victories in his suit against CBS: A motion by the network to dismiss the case was denied by a judge; and Rather's lawyers will be permitted to question Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone. [Reuters]
• Yesterday, activists handing out fake copies of the Post outside its offices were detained by cops. Today, the paper says it was "flattered" by it. [NYP]
• Book deals: Jenny Sanford, the estranged wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, is writing "inspirational memoir" for Random House. And Andrew Young, an aide to former Senator John Edwards, has landed a deal with St. Martin's Press' Thomas Dunne Books to publish his tell-all memoir.
• In an effort to keep more viewers tuned in, ABC plans to reduce—yes, reduce—the number of commercials in the premieres of its new shows. [LAT]
• Fox won the opening night of the fall season, a first for the network. [THR]

Fox won't stop believing in Glee, poised to pick show up for the full season.

Well well well! We liberals have caught Bill O'Reilly in another of his hypocritical lies! That conservative blowhard can't get away with announcing his... support of a government-backed public insurance option?

If you're tired of hearing tales of how your downstairs neighbor got a book deal for his online compilation of images of his bad hair days, we've got news for you. Brace yourself to hear about his TV development deal.

For all the attention Washington's bluster gets, history will see this little health care squabble as a mere sideshow distraction from the news we received yesterday; news that will fundamentally alter the way we pick our next American Idol.

• Who's going to replace Diane Sawyer now that she's leaving GMA? No one knows, really, but expect the changes to the show to be significant. [NYT]
• Time is shutting down its fashion-centric spin-off, Time Style & Design. Editor Kate Betts will remain with Time; six other staffers have been let go. [WWD]
• Magazine publishers are bending over backwards and offering to design ads themselves in order to keep their advertisers from fleeing. [NYT]
• A frontrunner may have emerged to acquire the Boston Globe. [NYP]
• ABC and CBS have agreed to air President Obama's address to a joint session of Congress next Wednesday. Fox, however, probably will not. [THR]
• Hollywood writers just aren't earning the cash they used to, it seems. [NYT]
• Simon Fuller, the man who brought you American Idol, now has his sights set on fashion: He's one of the people behind a new site called Fashionair. [VF]
• One more reason to hope Jay Leno's new nightly show on NBC fails: If it succeeds, you can expect every other network to dump pricey one-hour dramas and replace them with crappy live events and even crappier reality TV. [Time]

Well, probably hacked. Either hacked or Fox decided to break the news themselves that "Sean Hannity Blows his mom." Update:

• Get ready for the Spider-Man ride at Disney World: Walt Disney has agreed to pay $4 billion in cash and stock to acquire Marvel Entertainment. [NYT, WSJ]
• Because she was clearly the very best person for the job, Jenna Bush has signed on with the Today show. The daughter of the former president will be contributing stories "about once a month on issues like education." [THR]
• The Final Destination was No. 1 at the box office this weekend with a $28.3 million take; Inglourious Basterds came in No. 2 with $20 million. [THR]
• Newsstand magazine sales continue to fall. Single-copy sales fell 12 percent during the first half of the 2009 compared to the same period in 2008. [AP]
• NBC's new slogan for its fall marketing campaign? "More colorful." [Variety]

There is so little "real news," in August. So you can create your own conspiratorial mythology, like Glenn Beck, or you can just turn literally everything you say into a "that's what she said" joke, like everyone else on TV.

Mad Men, the famous and brilliant television show about how it was weird and bad but also secretly really fucking awesome when dudes smoked and drank at work while treating women like shit (and everyone dressed better but there were no black people), was incessantly hyped by every wing of the East Coast Liberal Media Elite for weeks before its new season started, and the premiere drew 2.8 million viewers.

Fox announced today that they're bringing the dead mean girls back from the grave for a small screen version of every hipster's favorite 1988 black comedy. So, what's their damage?

Studio B With Shepar Smith's new HD weather graphics? They do not really seem completely finished, maybe. But still, Fox is 200% more high-def than all the other cable news networks! Plus!

Someone needs to tell AMC that vampires are the host monster now, as they shell out big bucks for a zombie show. Natalie Portman also gets a TV deal. And Legos (yes, the toy) are coming to the big screen.

Some liberals and elected Democrats have asserted that the anti-health care reform town hall protesters are engaged in "astroturfing," a term meaning corporate-sponsored pretend grassroots activity. But Fox has definitively disproved that.

Oh, look, a picture of Bill O'Reilly's Valentine to Obama. Look at that hilarious multiculti group of kids he is with! Is this a college admissions brochure? FreeRepublic commenters are making loofah jokes! (Adorable, guys, but it's "falafel.") [Mediaite]

As Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, Rush, and other wackos compete to be the loudest and most hysterical opponent of Barack Obama, one former boogeyman has toned it way down. Bill O'Reilly just wrote the President a nationally syndicated birthday card.

It's best to watch this clip without any context or introduction. Just click, and press play, and prepare to be entertained.

On Fox's Romper Room and Friends this morning, Glenn Beck said we should all probably save the nation with the power of prayer.