The first Republican presidential debate — live from South Carolina and broadcast on Fox News — starts tonight at 9:00 ET, and we'll be covering the ordeal live. Show up shortly before the start, and bring plenty of grain alcohol!

The Associated Press has huffily declined to cover tonight's Fox News Channel GOP "debate" in South Carolina on the grounds that Fox won't let it take photographs during the debate—only before and after. But it does cover presidential addresses under precisely the same conditions.

The participants in tomorrow night's first Republican presidential debate, sponsored by Fox News, have been determined: Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Gary Johnson, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum. Barely missing the cut is that noisy right-wing guy down the hall.

As if you have any lingering doubts, let them now be put to rest — as Fox News can confrim [sic] with 100% certainty that Usama Bin Landen is dead. [Fox News]

Rapidly unspooling Fox News ejectee Glenn Beck donned his finest pair of tinfoil underwear on Thursday and delivered this sermon against Glee.

After 15 long months, Glenn Beck has finally unloaded his home in New Canaan, Conn., for $3.6 million—a 14% loss from the $4.25 million he paid for it in 2005 and 27% than it was listed for last year. Stick with gold, Glenn.

Fox News chief Roger Ailes and his wife Elizabeth must get spooked a lot in their weekend home in rural Putnam Valley, N.Y., because they call 911 a lot. During one 30-day period last summer, police cars were dispatched to their address six times.

Last night's Daily Show featured Jon Stewart's criticism of Donald Trump for continuing to be a total ass following President Obama's release of his birth certificate. On tonight's show, however, Stewart focused on the media's reaction to it all. Spoiler: MSNBC and Fox News took different routes with their coverage.

The first debate of the 2012 Republican presidential primary season is on May 5. That's but one se'en-day away! Fox News is sponsoring, live from South Carolina. The setting has all the trappings of a lively Republican political discussion about our nation's future. But as of now, only a handful of potential candidates plan on showing. What's up with all the other losers?

The Guardian has a big fat profile of MSNBC's Rachel Maddow today and the most interesting part is that she basically tells every news anchor who isn't out of the closet to just tell the world already. Yeah, that means you, Andy Coop.

Famous conservative Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer, like many elite Republicans, has been dumping all over Donald Trump in the last few weeks. He's called him a "provocateur and clown" who's "unserious." It was a vicious low blow to whip out the bilious "p" word against America's most respected and moral businessman. So Krauthammer was understandably terrified yesterday when his secretary told him that Trump was on the line. As he recounted on Fox News last night:

Today Fox News shared this story of a Romanian politician who caused a stir when he showed off his dance moves on TV. They're so bad that Shep Smith couldn't even think of a witty retort. Come on, Shep, cut the guy some slack. We know you've probably showed off some similar moves on "Musical Monday" at a gay bar somewhere.

The small-town newspapers in New York's Hudson Valley that Fox News chief Roger Ailes owns with his wife Elizabeth are in a staff revolt after employees caught Ailes spying on them with News Corp. security goons.

Ocherous churl Donald Trump slouched beast-like to Fox News on Friday night, where he engaged in something called "The Trump Interview" with right-wing backboard Sean Hannity. It was, yes, essentially unwatchable, but Trump revealed, in the course of the evening, that he has become a subscriber to the third most prevalent anti-Obama conspiracy, namely, that Obama's book Dreams From My Father was written by former Weatherman and current "super-genius" Bill Ayers. Ernest Hemingway was brought up, as was Trump's own opus, The Art of the Deal:

FoxNews.com has, without comment, removed the odd article "GWU Suicide Tragically Coincides with Obama Speech" from its website. Here's a summary: "A student committed suicide while Obama was giving a speech on campus. Hmmm..." [National Journal]

Fox News' "America's Election HQ" website published one of those "wacky coincidence" stories yesterday that will make you want to take a cold shower or seven after reading: A student at George Washington University committed suicide yesterday, just as President Obama was giving his major deficit-reduction speech at another campus building. Not that there was anything linking the events, but apparently it was enough of a nutty coincidence for Fox News to make note of it as important political news. Ick.

Weekends now serve no other purpose than to tease the entire American nation for two horrible days before each week's new Fox and Friends segment, Monday Mornings with Trump. Well we've got this week's clip!

Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren is married to a guy who just happens to be good friends with Sarah Palin. Now she's complaining on her blog that people are inviting her to stuff just to hang out with her famous friend.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart talked about what we all figured he'd talk about: Glenn Beck's departure from Fox News. And, naturally, Stewart bid adieu to the paranoid loudmouth by reviving his famed, equally conspiratorial impersonation of Beck.

You can tell that a war zone has really gotten out of control when Geraldo Rivera shows up—and that's exactly what just happened in Libya. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart examined—and heartily mocked—Rivera's role in the conflict.