Now that everyone's calmed down after last year's Four Loko craze, it's time for scientific research! Of 11 case studies, "one kid was found on the subway tracks, another was unconscious at school." Yup. Sounds about right.

Two mayors in Massachusetts are livid over brownies called Lazy Cakes, that contain 8mg of sleep aid melatonin, saying the cartoon on the package is a scheme to attract children. The mayors of Fall River and New Bedford now want them banned. One doctor called the Lazy Cakes marketing scheme "heinous," while one mayor called it "despicable." So much anger, man. But the company told the Boston Herald that Lazy Larry, the budget brownie version of Sponge Bob, isn't meant to attract kids at all:

When the government in the Australian state of Victoria asked for businesses to develop "a pleasant-tasting, attention-sustaining, low-priced drink that enables secondary school students to work safely and with sustained alertness all day," well, some old people got pretty upset! Education Minister Martin Dixon blamed the idea on kids, and told ABC Radio that no ministry funds had gone into the project, "but good on the kids for coming up with an innovative idea."

Michael Mustica, a 22-year-old tire salesman from New Jersey, kicked off his Atlantic City vacation in style last October by drinking two and a half cans of alcoholic energy drink Four Loko and falling asleep. Little did he know that when he woke up, things would never be the same!

Gawker.TV's very own John Trowbridge has managed to perform the ballad of our time. In this video, he goes from Four Loko user to Four Loko pusher after one typical, but awful, Four Loko experience.

Four Loko is now banned nationwide. Why? Because it makes people crazy! Evidence: here are two videos of a girl named Lindsey—one taken when she was sober, and the other after she downed three cans of Four Loko.

Today, in delightful branding-related serendipity: Ron DiMenna, the 73-year-old founder of Ron Jon Surf Shops, was arrested for driving under the influence... of Four Loko. If only all apparel-store founders acted in exactly the way we expect their customers to!

Today is the last day to buy Four Loko in New York. Be safe.

When a group of Dutch Embassy guys allegedly tried to leave Arthur's Tavern in Greenwich Village without paying a $315 tab, NYPD officers intervened and a brawl ensued, resulting in a chipped tooth, a broken finger and bruises. And arrests!

Who are the real victims of our government's Puritan frenzy to ban Four Loko for good? College kids—who the ban is supposed to help—and hardworking small businesspersons. Paging the Republican Congress! Your wedge issue is here!

This is your last chance to stock up on Four Loko: The alcoholic energy drink will be removed from store shelves by December 13.

It's Saturday morning so there's a good chance you're hung over. Not very fun! But at least you're not this girl, who got stuck in a dryer presumably after some serious drinking. And then her friends put it on YouTube.

The craze over Four Loko may soon come to an end—if a planned FDA ban on all caffeinated alcoholic beverages goes into effect—and Taiwan's NMA TV has reenacted the saga with one of its signature animations. Watch inside.

The swift collapse of Four Loko's empire now has the backing of White House narcs. Barack Obama's drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske — boo! — supports the FDA's effective ban on these comical caffeine-and-alcohol hybrids. We are the lamest country, ever.

Brooklyn Assemblyman Felix Ortiz staunchly believes Four Loko does not belong on store shelves, so he's out to prove it's poison. Watch as he ingests almost three cans in one hour! Party on, Felix!

Click to view New York Assembleyman Felix Ortiz feels so strongly about protecting his constituents from the poison Four Loko that he put his own life at risk by drinking it, on TV. Thank goodness a doctor was on hand.

The caffeine-infused cultural phenomenon known as Four Loko will no longer contain caffeine, guarana or taurine, according to a statement last night from its producer, Phusion Projects. The company remained defiant, saying, "the combination of alcohol and caffeine is safe."

After a fun campaign of widespread panic resulting in four state bans and an irresistible opportunity for political grandstanding, it looks like the FDA is set to ban caffeinated alcohol drinks once and for all—everywhere in America.

It looks like Four Loko's run in New York is coming to an end.

One great quote (out of many) from an Observer Four Loko party recap: "Dude, my heart is palpitating."