Yesterday, I planned to write a blistering takedown of the FDA’s latest consumer update, a document bearing the laughable title “Raw Dough’s a Raw Deal and Could Make You Sick.” I even had two working headlines, “FDA Warns Against Raw Cookie Dough But Life is Short Go Hard” and “Chickenshit FDA Issues Raw Cookie Dough ‘Warning.” Alas, I can no longer go forward.

The blanket of fine white powder covering Englewood, New Jersey, wasn't anthrax, it was fallout from a flour silo at a wholesale bakery that blew its top. The last time we scored some white powder from New Jersey it was some grade-A shit, so we have high hopes that this is the finest flour in the land.

Everyone's favorite dysfunctional pranking couple returns for another installment: this time water and flour! I predict that within three months these two will either murder each other or land a TV development deal.