Wow, looks like PETA might have been right about something! Last year, the animal rights group said the world's favorite captive polar bear, Knut, was basically crazy and that he "suffers from panic attacks and 'sways to and fro' in an abnormal manner." (PETA last year also said Knut's balls should be cut off, so fuck them and their ridiculous campaigns that make all vegetarians look look like assholes.) However, the the group may have been at least partially correct:

A new study that compared ecstasy users to non-users found that ecstasy doesn't impair cognitive ability, contradicting the results of earlier studies. This study—published on Tuesday in Addiction—was unique in that its subjects—even the non-users—were all rave-goers, and therefore undergoing the same experience of sleep deprivation, dehydration, annoying guy with the goddamn glow sticks, etc.; even then, researchers "found no ominous, concerning risks to cognitive performance" [CBC]

Young people! Are you in an exclusive relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend or "droog" or whatever? Ha, well, actually, you're probably not: According to a new study, 40 percent of young couples have differing opinions about their exclusivity.

A group of researchers was able to reverse the aging process in genetically-altered mice, "dramatically" regenerating their organs and restoring neurons to their brains. Next stop: Eternal life! Which almost sounds worse, to be honest.

A new study attempts to figure out what reasons for having sex lead to the most satisfying sex. For example: Sex for "love and commitment" is more satisfying than sex "to get material goods." Who would've thought?

Love is... commitment. Love is... compromise. Love is... not giving a shit about what your partner likes. A new study indicates that people in long-lasting marriages know less about their partners than people in shorter relationships.

A new study indicates that pigeons have an urge to gamble, and prefer to peck away at little pigeon slot machines hoping for a food-pellet jackpot over pecking a button for a guaranteed pellet. That's right: little pigeon slot machines.

This may come as a shock, but many people treat thin women better than heavier women. I know—it seems unbelievable! But it's not just that thin women are treated better—they also make more money. How much more?

Eighty-five percent of American men say the last person they had sex with had an orgasm. And yet, only 64 percent of American women say they had an orgasm the last time they had sex. What's going on, guys?

Researchers found that some native English speakers were unable to understand the sentence "The soldier was hit by the sailor," indicating that grammar may not be "universal." FYI: It means the sailor (boats) hit the soldier (tanks). [Science Daily]

A couple's chances of divorce are increased by 75% if a close friend or colleague of one partner gets a divorce, according to researchers. Does this mean that Al Gore, Tiger Woods, and Kelsey Grammar are bros? [Daily Mail]

Remember when H1N1 was going to infect and kill everyone on Earth unless, of course, we all purchased Tamiflu©? Shocker: The scientists who drafted the WHO's governmental advisories to stockpile drugs were paid consultants to the drug's producers.

A study of Australian teenagers found that muscular male models generated more or less the same response as "men of more average dimensions." Luckily, the Situation has a great personality to fall back on. [SMH; pic via Bauer-Griffin]

According to several new studies, people who sufferer from airborne allergies are significantly less likely to get some kinds of cancer, thanks to the immune system-boosting effect of allergies. Nerds! Do they ever not win in the long run? [NYP]

A group of psychologists believe that emotional insecurity may actually be a survival advantage. So now you can blame evolution for the fact that you've never had a relationship last longer than six months. Thanks, Charles Darwin!

Babies! They're not just for throwing up on themselves and starring in movies. According to a group of British psychologists, six-month-old babies can tell the difference between good and evil. This is the dumbest thing we've ever heard.

None of the agency's 28 known masturbators have been fired for looking at kiddie porn on the job, says the SEC's inspector general. But don't worry, Senator Chuck Grassley cares all of a sudden and is looking into it. [WP]

So this is what congress has been up to lately! They just finished a two-year investigation into steroid use in professional wrestling. The most important finding?