The person who sits next to you and fidgets all day—annoying, right? Well, guess what: you’re going to die long before them. You’ll be dead, dead, dead, your children in tears. They’ll still be alive.

Heart exercise! Male infertility! Blood transfusion! Belly fat! Boomer exercise! Smashing drumsticks! Fidget fitness! UFC games! And the Ultimate Fitness System, revealed! It's your Tuesday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—begrudgingly!