Matt Damon speaks for Brangelina. Brangelina feed their children crickets. Chris Brown parks in a handicap spot. Leo's mother advises against Blake Lively. Timberlake pulls a diva move. Wednesday gossip fights for its rights.

Britney hasn't exactly denied her bodyguard's claim that she had sex in front of her sons, beat them, and poisoned them. Instead, she issued a statement noting Children's Services investigated her, but didn't take away her kids. So there! [BritneySpears.com]

"Mommy is white trash," she allegedly told them. Katie Holmes contemplates bearing more Cruise children. Lou Reed makes Susan Boyle cry. Thursday gossip puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.

In a lawsuit Britney Spears' bodyguard accuses her of sexual harassment. In it he claims she made "repeated unwanted sexual advances" toward him. This would have been a good one of those fake "headlines from the future" back in 2000.