The South Carolina governor's karate belt is honorary. The wood, however, is presumably real.

Conservative California Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, who is thought by some to be a closeted gay man, recently regaled listeners of California's KPCC radio station with a story about the time he got drunk and arm wrestled Russian President Vladimir Putin. Sample quote: "His muscles are just unbelievable."

In what is easily the tensest minute of television since the Man in the Members Only Jacket rose from his seat and disappeared into the Haltson's restroom to void his bladder, motormouthed premium-cable Hollywood agent Jeremy Piven faced off this morning against sinewy Regis Philbin sidekick Kelly Ripa in a test of strength. Promising to double the number of push-ups banged out by Ripa, Piven dropped to the floor alongside his foe, ready to prove to the world that he will not be emasculated by ninety pounds of morning show host.