Last night Google rolled out a bug that would be comical if it weren't so astounding and grating: Open your Gmail inbox, and old school ragtime music starts playing, and can't be stopped. The solution: Use less Google.

Today, the Associated Press surveys all the miraculously adorable things we've learned about the Obama girls' lives in the White House, and all of it is cute. All of it. Even Malia's braces are adorable. How is this possible?

Here are pastors Terry Jones and Wayne Sapp of Florida's Dove World Outreach Center, the church planning to burn Korans on 9/11, saying the N-word over and over to make some stupid, Dr. Laura-esque point about racial double standards. Enjoy!

Earlier this summer, we started seeing pictures of designer Calvin Klein trotting around town with a 20-year-old model named Nick Gruber. We couldn't find much information on Gruber, but it looks like we finally found his very revealing modeling portfolio.

No matter how good they are, musicals are always pretty cheesy. So how's the country going to deal with Clear Blue Tuesday? The new rock movie gives the song-and-dance treatment to the most sanctified event in recent American history: 9/11.

Contractors were hard at work making over the Oval Office while the Obamas vacationed in Martha's Vineyard, installing a new rug, wallpaper, chairs, sofas, and tables. More photos of the hot new redesign, below.

Two American men "of Yemeni descent" are being questioned by Dutch police (among others) after they boarded a flight carrying a bunch of suspicious—but legal—items. Officials suspect they were on a "dry run" for a hijacking attempt. (UPDATED)

Meghan McCain's book about her father's 2008 presidential campaign, Dirty Sexy Politics, comes out today. Have you finished it yet? If not, here's a primer based on her Good Morning America appearance today: She has mixed feelings about Sarah Palin!

Boys all over New York are copying Justin Bieber's iconic mop top, a look he stole from lesbians. Like we said, they think it's cool and chicks dig it. But what does this mean for their future?

Lindsay Lohan breaks her silence—and denies getting $10,000 to pose for the paparazzi. Bar Rafaeli laments "extremely skinny models." Michael Jackson's kids start school. Samantha Ronson's dog ate another dog. Tuesday gossip can't stop howling.

Caroline Giuliani, Harvard student and daughter of Rudy, will have her charges for shoplifting cosmetics from Sephora dismissed in exchange for a single day of community service. That's reportedly the normal outcome for first-time petty shoplifting charges, okay? [Pic: AP]

[That's Hurricane Earl—now a Category 4 hurricane expected to drench the East Coast in rain—near the bottom of this NASA photo and former Hurricane Danielle—now a tropical storm—at the top. Click to enlarge. Via Bad Astronomy.]

Fox News host Glenn Beck just launched a news site—a place for "original reporting, insightful opinions and engaging videos." Currently, seven of the front-page articles are about Glenn Beck and his projects. Let's take a look!

Singer-teenager-Canadian Justin Bieber and rapper-producer-neurotic Kanye West "dropped" their much-Tweeted-about collaboration with famed rapping chef Raekwon. It's a remix of Bieber's "Runaway Love," for which Kanye recycles a classic RZA beat and Raekwon recycles his old lines. Click to listen!

Huffington Post blogger Beau Friedlander lost his posting privileges today for offering $100,000 for a Glenn Beck sex tape. Initially indignant, he is now begging for forgiveness.

Only some local hobos will use your credit card for unauthorized booze orgies when given the chance, while others will actually be honest, according to a Toronto Star study confirming research in peer reviewed journal the New York Post.

Tiger Woods reportedly moved into a new apartment in downtown Manhattan this weekend. He even introduced himself to the neighbors. Sadly the only Hooters in New York is in Midtown, so he'll have a bit of a commute.

What happens when a small business owner gets on Google's bad side? In Ryan Abood's case, the answer is, "your business gets crushed and you spend a year and a half in internet Siberia." Do not trifle with The Google.

CNN anchor Rick Sanchez, who's always sayin' the nuttiest things, called Barack Obama the "the cotton-pickin' president" today. This enraged his Twitter followers, because didn't black slaves used to pick cotton? Sanchez testily apologized shortly thereafter. Sanchez's latest flub below.

Footwear innovator Nike has seen the future, and it is a world where everyone is so fat, they can't tie their own laces. They've filed a patent for self-tying sneakers. Did they miss the invention of Velcro?