Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

Meet Rebel, the 8-month-old German Shepherd who stuck his head into an 18-inch wall and couldn't get it out. (It took about an hour, but Riverside County Animal Services officers were able to free him.) [Image via AP]

Some 500 people on a subway in New York City were stuck on the tracks for seven hours on Sunday night after snow on the third rail shorted out the train's power. Meaning they had no heat.

A dedicated group of thieves drove an unattended forklift through the wall of an Oregon general store while it was closed on Saturday. The only thing they took was beer. There are, frankly, worse ways to spend Christmas.

Looking for a way to experience the pleasures of buying and selling stocks, while also remaining compliant with Islamic law? Look no further than the Bombay Stock Exchange, which just opened an index composed solely of Shariah-compliant stocks.

Musician Elton John and husband David Furnish are now the parents of Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, born to a surrogate. They should have named it "Jet," and then had another kid named "Jet," and called themselves, "Elton and the Jets."

Kentuckian Mark Cothren shot this hairless animal earlier in the week because he "feared what it was, since he did not recognize it." Mark! It's definitely a chupacabra. You know, a goat-sucker? They have them in Texas now, too.

Scientists have discovered bits of cooked plants in the teeth of Neanderthals, contradicting the conventional wisdom that they only ate meat, and proving that the hominids hadn't yet developed sophisticated toothpick technology.

Floridian Lawrence Gauthier, who's called 911 16 times since November to "request business cards," called the emergency hotline on Sunday and "told the dispatcher he wanted the media arrested." Which is totally frivolous! But, yes, please, arrest those bastards. [via]

Today we checked out the swanky new stucco digs — fresh out of the foreclosure mill — that college-bound Bristol Palin bought in Maricopa, Arizona. Our Arizona real estate experts then weighed in: Is Maricopa a "good" place to settle?

The meaning of grades, explained! Hurdles, hurdled! Teachers, sexxxily harassed! Science fairs, endangered! Manga, fake classes held! Science, professionalized! Books, criticized! Data, supersized and atomized! It's your Monday Education Watch, where we watch education—because it's a free country!

If you're anything like us, you watch a lot of television, and if you're anything like us you have serious opinions about the things you've watched on TV. Here are the ones we loved (and a couple we hated).

Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown's surprising January special election victory made him an instant Tea Party hero and threatened the survival of health care reform. But it passed anyway, and then Brown voted for every other Democratic bill. Will he survive?

It's the end of the year, which means it's time for best of the year lists! Here Gawker entertainment writers Richard Lawson and Brian Moylan weigh in on the best movies they saw in 2010.

Bristol Palin's new home in Maricopa, Arizona's Cobblestone Farms subdivision has five bedrooms and a three-car garage. (The better not to contribute to the myth of global warming with.) Arizona really is a cursed state, isn't it?

The indignities heaped upon our nation's young attorneys continue to pile up like snowdrifts on the bleak city streets. Consider the plight of today's humble barristers: having spent the year confined to an office, they emerge to find...a bonus nightmare.

Miley and Noah do a Christmas karaoke duet. Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig hold hands. Where did Selena Gomez's promise ring go? Prince sees The Nutcracker. Monday gossip is full of Christmas leftovers.

Leon Walker, a 33 year-old Michigan computer technician, has been charged with a felony (and faces up to five years in prison) for using his wife's password to read her email. Well, he had a damn good reason.

An undercover cop slapped Milwaukee resident Terry Duncan with a $500 ticket for cursing on a bus. Cursing! On a bus! Apparently, the words he used "started with an 'f' and an 's.'" So... "fart"? And "sex"? [WISN]

East Haven, Conn., is a quiet suburb of New Haven with a "peaceful, small-town setting and thriving businesses." Unless you are Latino, in which case it's the place where you're targeted with "traffic stops, false arrests and even jailhouse beatings."