He was taped, I bet.

Tearaway tuxedos, people.

Alright, I guess.

Great stuff.

A great speech, but one wonders what Jafar Panahi is up to right now.

It's the Catskills in full effect.

You tried it and it didn't work.

Remember when these were cut by Chuck Workman and were awesome? Long time ago, kids.

Okay people, let's do this. I got a bottle of Sangiovese and ten of my bestest galpals with me, and I am prepared to dispense MAXIMUM BITCHINESS. Your host tonight is Billy Crystal, whom you almost certainly haven't seen since the LAST time he hosted the Oscars. Don't be shocked if he walks out onto the stage looking like Miracle Max, only covered in bad foundation makeup and without the hat. Your Best Picture nominees are as follows:

Sacha Baron Cohen fought for this, you guys.

Those of you irked by this news may now commence pre-bitching in #crosstalk.

This headline is misleading: Halle Berry actually broke her foot while chasing her daughter Nahla, who was chasing a goat. I hope you can forgive the shorthand.

BEVERLY HILLS— Beverly Hills is not a real place in the real world. Beverly Hills is what happens when you take the "Beverly Hills" pavilion at Epcot Center, expand it a thousandfold, and populate it with actors playing real people.

As a lifetime fan of the Academy Awards and a former film critic, I've made it a point to keep up with the Oscars, even as the years passed and the awards lost some credibility. (Hi, 2005 Best Picture winner Crash.) I can't remember the last time I hadn't seen all the Best Picture nominees. Missing from my list this year: War Horse, The Help, and The Artist. Tell me if I'm wrong here, but I don't feel like I'm actually missing much.

Finger-pointing Arizona governor Jan Brewer made double headlines today by endorsing Mitt Romney and turning down an invitation from President Barack Obama. Yep, that'll do it.

You may not be the only one at your Oscar party tonight pretending to have seen all nine Best Picture nominees: 2011 moviegoing attendance was the lowest in 15 years.

There is a season: turn, turn, turn. It was only last July we bid adieu to corrupt dinosaur News of the World, and now we're getting a (somewhat) new Sunday tabloid from Rupert Murdoch. Meet The Sun's Sunday edition. It's The Sun, but on a Sunday.

At this point, most of us know not to believe Twitter death rumors, but just in case there are any concerns, the number one worldwide trending topic "R.I.P. Rowan Atkinson" is a hoax. This time we actually know how the rumor started: Twitter user Michael Robert Meras got bored. (I won't link to his Twitter account, because no one deserves attention for arbitrarily "offing" celebrities.)

Move over, Norbit — on Saturday, Adam Sandler beat the previous record of five Razzie nominations with a staggering 11. The Razzies, which are basically the Oscars for terrible movies, has singled Sandler out for his writing, producing, and acting work in the films Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, and Just Go With It.

University students gathered this weekend to protest recent findings that the NYPD has been spying on Muslim students. According to the AP, police informants have been going undercover in student groups to keep an eye on Muslim students at Columbia and other Northeast universities.