While he was on vacation last week, Mitt Romney's communication director said his candidate's views were written on an Etch a Sketch and his opponents jumped on the claim, using it as evidence that Romney will say anything to win the nomination. But Stephen sees things a little differently: to him, it means that Romney has all the courage in the world and that comparing Romney to old toys will save the economy on account of Etch a Sketch's sales recently going through the roof.

The Daily Show returned from a week off just in time to weigh in on the latest developments in the Trayvon Martin case and the latest ways that the cable news networks are handling the situation. Turns out they've been listening to racist snippets of George Zimmerman's 911 call and wearing solidarity hoodies. But still, none of it is as shocking to Stewart as the fact that Zimmerman is yet to be charged with anything.

Ah, Drew. A list of famous writers and artists who once worked in the advertising industry is not an argument in favor of the advertising industry. It's an argument in favor of getting the fuck out of the advertising industry. We recognize Salman Rushdie's name because he did not stay in the advertising industry. We can all take this as a lesson.

A new "behavioural capability framework" proposed by the administration at RMIT University in Australia would require professors to be "positive" and "optimistic," as a rule. It would mandate niceness, in academia.

Above is the Mad Men Season 5 premiere moment that had everyone talking immediately (never change, Internet, except to update yourself every few seconds). It's the performance of "Zou Bisou Bisou" (originally performed by Gillian Hills in 1960) by Don Draper's wife, Megan (Jessica Paré) at her husband's 40th surprise party. It was such a highlight that a callow shut-in would have been able to identify it as such.

Advertising is the industry that people who were not lucky enough to get actual "creative" jobs end up in. These people—creative people whose artistic or literary dreams did not work out, often due to economic forces far beyond their control—find themselves in a position in which they are obliged to use their creative talents for purely commercial ends. Selling soap, so to speak. This causes quite a bit of cognitive dissonance. These people therefore expend quite a bit of time and effort justifying the position they find themselves in, in life. (As do we all!) Having justified their position to themselves, they seek to bolster their justification by attracting others like themselves into their same field. The more creative artists who do advertising for a living, the more of a real, justifiable, creative career it must be. They therefore use their considerable creative talents to sell the field of advertising itself, to their peers.

Guys, guys, guys: have you heard those rumblings about a mysterious "new commenting system" that's set to take hold here in the near future? Welcome to Phase 1, which requires you to re-log-in to take the first steps of the journey. Here are some questions you may have:

According to a new WSJ survey of executive pay here in the US of A, Hooverville capital of the Western Hemisphere, CEOs of some of the world's biggest companies are being underappreciated, when it comes to the height and breadth of the pile of doubloons they are awarded at the conclusion of the fiscal year.

Have you heard that video is a big thing over at Gawker Media? It's true, we watch and post a lot of videos each week. Here are some of the best videos of week, culled from an array of Gawker Media sites.

Bill O'Reilly is scared. Bill O'Reilly is scared of the coming onslaught of socialism brought on by President Obama and his mentality of entitlement. We're about to be living in a very dangerous America, one where the government pays for contraception and people on welfare aren't summarily imprisoned. Run for your life.

On tonight's Real Time, Bill Maher talked a little about the current cycle of statement and apology that we've been dealing with. In his view, we need to let people say the ridiculous shit that we can't stand because if we don't, then we will be nothing but a nation of Mitt Romneys consistent only in our desire to please and having no core beliefs whatsoever.

Patent-leather ballet flat Zooey Deschanel was spotted "wearing the Shoshanna Striped Caroline Marieneire Knit Top," a tipster informs us.

Not to alarm you, at all, but in the near future our globe will be a hive of warring city-states in which armies driven mad by thirst slaughter one another over the final trickles of our parched world's last dying streams. That's what the government thinks, at least. Are you ready? You better get ready, my friends.

All Roberto Clemente wanted to do was turn his 5,000 square-foot Southern California McMansion into an invite-only swinger's club called the "Kinky Palace." As you can imagine, his neighbors in the rural residential community of Oak Hill were not pleased.

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: Vattnet Viskar.

There are no better symbols of the rotten soul of the Washington, DC press corps than its annual "Cocksuckers to Power" dinners, when journalists emerge from their cave to backslap with and be patronized by the very politicians that they are supposed to be covering in an aggressive manner, on behalf of the public. The White House Correspondents Dinner is the most high-profile example of this sickening vomitorium of fellatio of power. Now its prime competitor, The Gridiron Dinner, is getting jealous.

Behold: Lana Del Rey, Marilyn Manson and Barry Manilow — backstage, as far as I can tell, at the Echo Music Awards in Germany a couple nights ago. "And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses were as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone. By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths. For their power is in their mouth, and in their tails: for their tails were like unto serpents, and had heads, and with them they do hurt." [via]

"Nice Hair, Claire?" Stop Right There! See Me Reach? Aw Gee, Teach! No More Touchin' While You're Lunchin'! Principal's Principle Deserves Ridicule: No Caresses for Classmate's Tresses! Grinch Puts the Cinch on Friendly Clench. Pity the Itty-Bitty Kiddies. "Cuddle at Home, You Snuggling Gnomes! School Is Where Knowledge Is Grown, Not Your Bone! No More 'Likes,' You Porny Tykes! Tween Wet Dreams Should Remain Unseen. I Know You're Grinding Whilst Intertwining! Don't Be Petting While You're Still Bed-Wetting. Hands to Yourself, You Miscreant Whelps! Doing Drugs? Fine, But No Hugs!"

Step off that elliptical—gingerly, now, so you don't trip, oops, you tripped anyway, oh God, how embarrassing, whatever, no one saw—the Telegraph reports that a new study has found that eating seaweed toast is basically the same as exercising.

This story out of Halifax is ostensibly intended to inform readers that oral contraceptive users who experience vomiting or diarrhea after taking their pills should use back-up methods of protection in order to prevent pregnancy.