Unfortunately America's real national pastime will soon be gone. Also today: lots of people take cold helpings of Revenge, Roseanne Barr gets some bad news, and Charlize Theron gets brutal.
It's just not good enough to kill them, in Texas. Because following last night's execution of Lawrence Brewer, a white supremacist who killed a black man by dragging his body from the back of his pick-up truck and eventually severed his head, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice has decided to stop granting special "last meals" to those being executed. Brewer's meal, see, was over-the-top!
Can't say we've ever heard a comparison between Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia and English wizard Harry Potter before. But it kind of makes sense, doesn't it? No, not really. But we thank old Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch for making it anyway!
Another couple of people suspected of being members of the hacking collectives Anonymous and LulzSec were picked up today. One was reportedly homeless, which brings up some interesting logistical questions.
Bedbug death! Brain collection! Obesity drug! Depression stroke! Lung cancer! Sexxxy kids! Soup disease! Killer cantaloupe! And young people who think they're pret-ty damn clever! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—before you're ready!
It's your lucky day, everyone: You have the opportunity to give Sarah Palin lots of money! And if you give her enough money she might just run for president. That's the deal. Do you, by any chance, feel like you might be getting played? Well stop feeling that way and hand over the fucking cash.
Facebook's co-founder CEO might be 11 years younger than Google's co-founder CEO, with a company half as old, but he's got about $2.4 billion on the guy. Mark Zuckerberg just became the country's richest person under 40.
The CIA is having trouble keeping its secret agents off the internet. First, it allowed the White House to publish a photograph of the man behind the operation to kill Osama bin Laden. And now the identity of the woman who runs its "Global Jihad Unit"—and who has a long (if pseudonymous) history of being associated with some of the agency's most disastrous boondoggles—has been published online by two documentary filmmakers who sussed it out with the help of some "savvy internet research."
People are always getting upset about things and boycotting products and usually it's very dumb. There are two cases in point today: First, a conservative group wants Ben & Jerry's limited-edition "Schweddy Balls" ice cream boycotted, and then Glenn Beck is against revolutionary jeans.
Rep. Michele Bachmann has had all sorts of fun adventures on the presidential campaign trail, whether it's by introducing herself to likely voter babies, playing with heavy machinery, or gazing down long rows of hanging animal carcasses. When will she finish losing this race already?
In your throwback Thursday media column: WaPo reporters now required to learn about the "internet," UK tabloid journalists are unpopular, Walter Cronkite's nepotistic legacy, The Onion is leaving NYC, and Scotland Yard is coming for your video footage.
The Republican presidential candidates are debating tonight in Orlando, shining city of "corporate amusement parks"! Our hosts for the evening are Fox News and Google, who have planned all sorts of gimmicky social media bullshit to whiz by the candidates' faces throughout the evening. Which of these nine suckers will lose the most? Let us consider that, and other concerns.
Have you heard of singer Lana Del Rey? Well, probably not, because she doesn't even have an officially released single yet, but the hipster music blogs are all abuzz about her. Her music is great, but they still hate her because she's not "authentic." But that's not the problem at all.
Last night Fox unveiled its latest brilliant, innovative idea: A vote-based singing competition judged by Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell. Who are the TV wizards who come up with these ideas??
