We all know the old adage "do as I say, not as a I do." Well, it seems there are some people who both say and do opposite things at the same time. Yes, it's time to stop saying that you're going to disagree with someone unless you're actually going to disagree with that person.

Cholesterol diabeetus! Docto procto! Death surgery! Concussion athletes! Cantaloupe killers! Cell harvest! Cialis excuses! Man breasts! And you monkeys won't get away with this, after all! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—on the real!

A whale that washed up on the Jersey shore recently wasn't killed by natural causes. It was... murder! Whale murder! Now authorities are on the hunt for the shadowy cetacean slayer.

The ever health-conscious French have placed ketchup on the guillotine and they aren't looking back. The beloved all-American condiment has been banned from school and college cafeterias throughout France, with one very crucial exception: when it accompanies French fries.

Alert! Alert! Ginger prince alert! England's Prince Harry, younger brother of old married Duke of Cambridge William, has arrived in the United States. Ladies, go crazy.

The Queens DA office announced today that more than 100 people have been busted in a massive identity theft ring. The defendants are charged with stealing more than $13 million over 16 months, starting in 2010.

You won't believe the awful denim that Zooey Deschanel wore out in public. On the most recent episode of Gawkerazzi, we make fun of the new Beyonce video, the celebs at Paris Fashion Week, and Kristen Stewart's multiple magazine covers.

In your finally Friday media column: Carlos Slim parsed, a Miami reporter has a bad day, Michael Wolff lives on at Adweek, James Murdoch's board seat in jeopardy, and Disney's CEO will peace out in four years.

An elderly Swiss couple who saw a picture of the "forest boy" who wandered out of the woods and into Berlin's City Hall claim to be his grandparents, and have submitted to a DNA test to prove it.

A computer virus has infected the cockpits of America's Predator and Reaper drones, logging pilots' every keystroke as they remotely fly missions over Afghanistan and other warzones.

Brandlink Communications is a nationwide PR firm with a minimum of two employees who are astoundingly inept: the one who sent the blogger the stupid celebrity pitch, and the one who called her a "fucking bitch," without apology.

Updated. Bushwick resident and YouTube user TheFallGuy53 was minding his own business, sitting on his front stoop, when suddenly, an apparition of light. A UFO, lurking in the north Brooklyn sky!

Usually we're studying the behavioral and mating patterns of all eight guidos on Jersey Shore, the most important sociological experiment of our time, but this time around we're focusing on only one. Yes, it's time to get up close and personal with that slow loris Snooki.

You may think that you're one of those "good" parents. You read to your kids at night, and you don't let them play with guns, and you stripped most of the lead paint out of the playroom. Well, according to the latest scientific study, it's safe to give up. Your kids will inevitably die of McChicken-related diabetes sooner or later, no matter what you do.

As the fate of longest-running sitcom ever (and greatest show ever) The Simpsons hangs in the balance because of money disputes between cast and production, one actor, Harry Shearer (Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns, et al) has reached out to the public to explain the situation.

Liv Tyler's mother Bebe Buell gave an interview to America's trashiest magazine Steppin' Out, and the result is a bizarre portrait of the conflicted mind of a momager and old school fameball.

Here's a trailer for the new action thriller The Raven, which has John Cusack as a crime-fighting Edgar Allan Poe. That's right! This time the the poet gets to be the badass.

The economy added 102,000 jobs in September, a bit below what's needed to keep up with population growth, while maintaining a 9.1% official unemployment rate. Well, that's better than... losing 102,000 jobs! Eh? Hmm.

Everyone's going on and on, trying to figure out Occupy Wall Street protesters want. New York Mayor Bloomberg has finally figured it out: They want to "destroy the jobs of working people."

The readers of the Wall Street Journal don't have time to go out into the dirty corners of the world to find out what the rabble is thinking. That's why they buy the Wall Street Journal—to keep abreast of the various maneuverings and machinations of the rabble, as described by columnists who are, frankly, also too well-off to go out into the dirty corners of the world to find out what the rabble is thinking.