There are more Starbucks coffee shops in America than there were voters in the last presidential election (probably). Starbucks is America. Or, more accurately, Starbucks shapes America into its own image: a nation of the types of people who love Starbucks.
The residents of Tea Party Nation always come up with the most innovative solutions to America's problems—bold ideas that would never come to the mind of your average, mediocrity-embracing sane-American. The latest comes from TP national Melissa Brookstone, who wants small businesses to stop hiring people until Obama's "war" against their businesses and their country ends.
Ho ho, will hipster Brooklyn ever stop with its pursuit of retro trends? Retro fashions, retro music... and now, retro discrimination! Women to the back of the bus! This could be the hottest discrimination trend of the season.
The musical Zanna, Don't! is about a high school where all the smart kids are more popular than the dumb kids, being gay is the norm, and being straight is abnormal. In one scene, two guys briefly smooch. Big deal, right?
A special message for all you Teresas out there: stay the hell out of Atlanta for a while. If you already live there, flee at once! Otherwise you could be arrested and jailed for almost two months because of your first name, like Teresa Culpepper was.
Louis Cole is a man with a pleasant British accent and extremely unpleasant eating habits—the latter guided in part by his fans, who make suggestions about what he should stunt-eat next. "To Louis, anything is food," says his Facebook page; his YouTube channel, FoodforLouis, confirms this, with featuring him eating all kinds of bugs and even "blended mice." Here we see him crunching on a live scorpion—who really wants to sting him (mostly because it's cynical about Louis' motives) but doesn't get the chance. Louis nearly gags during the mastication process, but rather calmly gets the job done without serious interruption.
President Obama's reliance on a teleprompter to deliver big speeches has long served as fodder for his political opponents. So the news this morning that a truck carrying the presidential podium had been stolen was ready-made material for late-night TV hosts like, say, Conan O'Brien, who aired this video tonight to demonstrate what happens when the president is forced to go it alone.
Occupy Wall Street poster villain and viral video star Anthony Bologna, the NYPD Deputy Inspector who pepper-sprayed a woman because he felt like it, was found in violation of department guidelines (see Code Section 819B: "No officer should act like a power-drunk psychopath within 50 meters of a visual recording device"). His punishment? 10 days of vacation, docked.
Ali Reza Shahsavari, a 29-year-old man of Iranian descent, boarded a Southwest flight in L.A. headed to Kansas City on Tuesday. At some point after takeoff, according to the crew's account, he got into a fight with another passenger. They separated the two men. Shahsavari went into the bathroom and started to shout obscenities.
When it comes to Republican presidential candidates, Stephen Colbert doesn't back losers. So now that Rick Perry is fading fast, Colbert must throw his allegiance elsewhere, and who better to back than Herman Cain, the main beneficiary of Perry's declining poll numbers? That was the question on Colbert's mind tonight as he vetted Cain—plus his "9-9-9" tax plan and controversial remarks about an "electrified" border fence—on the Report.
Have you ever been awoken in the dead of night by an acute stabbing sensation, only to realize your unconscious partner was having sex with you? There's actually a word for that, and no, it's not sleepscrewing — but it's almost as dumb! It's called "sexsomnia," a term coined by Dr. Colin Shapiro in 2003 to describe "people who engage in sexual acts while they are asleep, such as masturbation, fondling, sexual intercourse and actions that would be sexual assault or rape were the sufferer conscious."
Jon Stewart sat out part of tonight's Daily Show so correspondent John Oliver could report on Occupy Wall Street from Zuccotti Park. As Oliver wandered around, he encountered some of the protest's stranger characters and customs—"How amongst the 99% did I still feel like I didn't fit in?"—before consulting with "the 98% of Americans who might agree with the protester's message if it weren't for the protesters themselves."
President Obama is confronted with difficult decisions every day. Should we send troops into the Congo? How can Congress be pushed into action on his jobs plan? Should Malia and Sasha be allowed to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians?
As many as 48 "mature, very big, agressive" exotic animals—including lions, cheetahs, tigers, apes, wolves and bears—have escaped from a Ohio farm whose owner was found dead earlier today. On the bright side, school's been cancelled tomorrow!
One of the key activists behind Egypt's "Facebook Revolution" is now giving advice to a new group of protesters: the Occupy Wall Street movement.
What's going on with Rick Perry and Mitt Romney? Perry—who more or less slept through his first GOP debates—aggressively jumped on frontrunner Romney in Las Vegas on Tuesday night, earning an enthusiastic response from Romney, who gently touched Perry and attempted to teach the Texas governor the rules. Of the debate. You can smell the testiness! All the drama, and tension, of two coked-up frat brothers arguing about politics at 6 a.m.! And poor Anderson Cooper, the supposed moderator, just sitting there there on the sidelines.
Both patrons and employees of the Tatsuda's IGA supermarket in Ketchikan, Alaska were left flabbergasted on Saturday after a black bear cub waltzed into the store and immediately beelined it to the produce aisle, which he then ransacked in the OMG CUTEST way possible. But since all good things must come to an end, our baby bear's running-amok was eventually foiled by an unidentified man, assisted by party-pooping local police. At least we'll always have this video.
The 432nd Republican debate starts at 8 p.m. on CNN and if you're anything like us you'll need someone to commiserate with as you Google "moving abroad" and "living abroad" and "are there Republicans in Montenegro." So come hang out in the comments section!
