The Common Application, an online college application system used by Yale University, the University of Virginia, and more than 400 other schools, is limiting the space available for applicants' personal essays to 500 words. We are all bloggers now.

The TSA has decided to fire the screener who left that note offering a passenger helpful advice on what to do with her freak. They previously just said they would discipline the person. Maybe their investigation uncovered some long, sordid history of bizarre note-leaving?

Facebook thought it was bragging when it announced recently that just 0.06% of its 1 billion daily user logins were made by hijacked accounts. But that's a hell of a lot of logins by hackers and spammers: 600,000/day, according to Sophos. Their new incredibly complicated super-friends scheme should fix this.

Nicki Minaj curses out a maid, and the end result is a battery charge. Kim Kardashian says her newlywed life is "not ideal." Alexa Ray Joel opens up about HPV. Usher gets in a fight over a parking space. TGIFriday gossip.

Not so long ago, Bank of America decided that a good way to refill its slightly-less-bulging-than-usual pockets would be to charge people a monthly fee for their debit cards. "This won't cause a massive public backlash at all, probably," they thought to themselves, while setting a box of puppies aflame.

Joining the Occupy Wall Street protests has its dangers. You could get pepper-sprayed or end up in handcuffs. Or, as Brooklyn-based journalist Caitlin Curran explains, your boss could see a photo of you holding up a sign at a protest and fire you the next day.

"Virginia Is for Lovers." This state slogan is a great, cheap way to "make a point" whenever something fucked up happens in the state of Virginia. Such as, for example, "school security personnel" relentlessly blasting Norfolk-area public school students with pepper spray. For lovers? Yeah, lovers of pepper spray!

AFP tells us that Italian director Romeo Castellucci's production of the play On the Concept of the Face, Regarding the Son of God features the face of Jesus "drizzled in excrement." The Guardian explains the poop on Jesus' face comes from "an excremental stream pouring from his right eye-socket." Sounds a bit like an extreme version of a Gallagher show!

Remember how the newspaper industry was devastated by the fundamental shift in media consumption habits driven by the internet, and the music industry was devastated by the fundamental shift in media consumption habits driven by the internet? Yes, well. The radio industry is also being devastated by the fundamental shift in media consumption habits driven by the internet. FYI.

Texas-based country store owner and cardboard cutout Crockett Keller teaches concealed handgun safety classes to make a few extra bucks, which he spends on boots and hats and spurs and guns at his local CowboyMart. Like every discriminating businessman, he enforces some standards, which he thoughtfully informed the world about in a recent radio ad.

A homeless Bellingham, Washington man showed up at some (random?) urologist's office Thursday morning missing his right arm, which he'd cut off using a homemade guillotine. Authorities aren't sure if the man amputated his arm on purpose or by accident, but say he has mental issues.

The Sperm Bike is a 120-pound, 10-foot bicycle rigged with a sperm-shaped tank of liquid nitrogen and—on business days—vials of human sperm ("pre-babies"). Based on a model used in Copenhagen, Seattle's sperm bike transports its cargo from the Seattle Sperm Bank to fertility clinics. Even though it's motorized, it's still better for the environment than sperm utility vehicles, spermships, and the Spermarine, the sperm-carrying submarines that were so popular in the 1930s.

Anderson Cooper sure seems obsessed with Courtney Stodden. After coming to her defense earlier this week, Cooper once again rallied for Stodden on tonight's AC360, defending her right to pumpkin patch sexiness, expressing concern over her face, and even impersonating the titillating teen bride himself.

Steve Jobs was a true obsessive. He pored over every tiny detail of every product, every ad, every store, every thing related to Apple.

Start spreading the news! We're leaving today! We wanna be a part of it: Resorts Worrrld, Resorts Worrrrld! At last, a viable alternative to gainful employment comes to the greater New York City area — in the form of legalized gambling! Drink for free! Stuff your purses with buffet items! Double your life savings on one bet! All your prayers have been answered, just as soon as you pilgrimage to the crown jewel of South Ozone Park: the Resorts World Casino New York City.

Steve Buscemi is known for three things: his excellent acting, his not exactly leading man looks, and for getting killed off in nearly every movie or television show in which he appears. That's what inspired clever YouTube user dondrapersayswhat to create this supercut of Buscemi's many onscreen deaths, all in under two minutes.

Brian Williams occasionally stops off at Late Night to slow jam the news with Jimmy Fallon. Since Rock Center, Williams' new primetime show, debuts on Monday and he wouldn't want anyone out there to forget to tune in, God forbid, he paid a visit to Fallon tonight to add some suave sexiness to the Occupy Wall Street movement. Watch them make the musical magic happen—and struggle to remember the name of Kim Kardashian's husband—above.

Scott Olsen, the Iraq War vet critically injured by an Oakland riot cop's projectile gas canister, is awake and lucid and awaiting surgery, according to a report in The Guardian. His condition has been upgraded from critical to fair. The San Francisco Chronicle reports that doctors are optimistic he could make a full recovery.

Tonight, Stephen Colbert opened the Report with a defense of the Oakland cops who used force earlier this week while disassembling local protesters. Colbert then turned his attention to the Occupy Wall Street movement in general. "You had your moment, but we are bored with you now," he said. "You're just a media fad, like Sanjaya." But that's not a fair comparison at all! Sanjaya would never perform with a drum circle, now would he?

The heartiest of congratulations goes out to Ortrud Kastaun of Essen, Germany, whose collection of 2,053 different clown-related items has qualified her for inclusion in the 2012 Guinness Book of World Records. Even more remarkably, when the lights go down in Ortrud's workshop, her army of inanimate harlequins and jesters comes magically alive, marching steadily towards you, single-mindedly of purpose, stopping at nothing until the last shreds of flesh have been stripped from your bones, all the while Headmistress Ortrud laughing, laughing, laughing in delight as your darkest coulrophobic nightmares come to horrifying life.