A U.S. Attorney in Tenn. has been forced to remind parents not to buy or sell lollipops that have been spat on or licked by children with infectious diseases like chicken pox. So much for the "free market" in Barry Soetero's America, eh?
To be a successful barista in today's competitive market, you must be twentysomething and very sexy. Shirley Stagner and Tina Holcombe are in their 40s, which automatically makes them very unsexy—and, therefore, completely unqualified to bariste at Hot Java Hunnies, the sexiest coffee depot in Kent, Washington.
Joel Bennett, the attorney for one of the woman who accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment while he was CEO of the National Restaurant Association, says that a second woman contacted him to explore the possibility of suing Cain on similar grounds before deciding against it.
Maybe you were swamped at the office this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to go back to work and could use one last distraction. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best videos we watched during the week that was.
If you're tired of staring at all the jarfuls of brown, amputated toes cluttering up the mantel above your fake fireplace, consider shipping them off to the Sourtoe Cocktail Club: Canada's most popular drinking organizations for amputated toe-drinkers. They'd be happy to garnish their drinks with your disgusting old digits!
Justin Bieber's not the first person who's been accused of fathering Mariah Yeater's baby. Kate Middleton is already the subject of pregnancy rumors. And after firing everyone else, Hilary Swank gets fired herself. Saturday gossip is highly intelligent, very wise.
The resilient, rough chuckles-enduring people of Detroit put up with dog poop air, crime-ring moms, crime-ring stray dogs, fake Koch evictions, and 1,001 other ills. But they refuse to sit through a Nickelback half-time show during this Thanksgiving's Lions-Packers game. Uninspired Canadian crap rock is where they draw the line.
Let's all give a big "thanks" to the heroes of the Oakland Police Department, who have now hospitalized two veterans of the Iraq War in the last week as part of their ongoing project to look like the worst police department in the country!
Never retire: almost six weeks to the day after delivering his last cranky essay on 60 Minutes, writer and commentator Andy Rooney is dead of complications following minor surgery. He was 92, and had delivered exactly 1,097 of his trademark on-air bitch sessions.
We didn't execute any commenters last week. (Sorry, I was out of the office.) But that's the thing about the banhammer: You never know where or when it's going to drop. Who will get it this week?
Six weeks ago, ABC replaced All My Children with a new food-focused daytime talk show called The Chew. Hosted by Mario Batali, fellow Iron Chef Michael Symon, Top Chef favorite Carla Hall, What Not to Wear's Clinton Kelly and Daphne Oz (daughter of Dr. Mehmet Oz), it's a combination of The View and Rachael Ray—but worse.
It's been a long, strange road for Ken Mehlman, the George W. Bush campaign strategist and former chairman of the Republican National Committee. Last year he came out of the closet. Now he's been named to the Out 100 and it seems all his work against gay Americans has been forgiven. Oh, we won't forget a gay traitor so quickly.
A reporter from a CBS affiliate in Minnesota walks into a Chinatown butcher. No, this isn't the start of the joke, but what happened was unintentionally hilarious. The owner of the butcher shop isn't laughing, because he just had to fend off charges he was selling dog meat.
Drug approval! Earthquake danger! Child risks! Ending aging! Cancer marathon! Texas therapy! Pneumonia vaccination! Robot walking! And a whole new way of looking at regulation! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with a heavy heart!
Texas Rep. Larry Taylor, the chairman of the Texas House's Republican caucus, fights for the little guy. So at a committee hearing yesterday about insurance coverage, he flat-out told the state's insurance companies to stop nickel-and-diming hurricane victims in the state and pay up: "Don't nitpick. Don't try to Jew them down." Whoops.
Americans for Prosperity, the conservative group f(o)unded by that cartoonish industrial tycoon tandem known as the Koch brothers, is having a little conference in Washington this weekend called "Defending the American Dream." Herman Cain, whose campaign is essentially a wing of Americans for Prosperity, gave a big speech there today! Did he try to play down his Koch ties? Not exactly. "'I am the Koch brothers' brother from another mother!" he blared out, twice. American Dream = Defended.
