Iranian students stormed the British embassy compound today, possibly taking hostages (who may have later been freed), and, in a brutal blow to the British psyche, stealing those two great symbols of the United Kingdom: a picture of the Queen, and a Pulp Fiction poster.
Printers: Friendly office servants, or deadly ticking time bombs just waiting to explode? Computer security researchers have figured out a way hackers could possibly, maybe, program your computer to burst into flames from "half-way around the planet."
Patagonia is a company that sells jackets with the subtle, socially responsible message "I am a significantly better human being than you." People who wear Patagonia jackets are successful enough to take ski vacations and purchase $250 items of clothing that resemble trash bags, but also conscientious enough to donate to attend lots of local environmental charity balls, in Aspen. And while you, the fat slob "average American," were scarfing down styrofoam-encased fast food and doing your "Cyber Monday" online shopping in a non-sustainable manner, Patagonia was doing something a little different for the crazy shopping day.
After three years of dating a real, live celebrity Adam Shulman puts a ring on it. Hugh Jackman's wife complains about his gay rumors. Demi Moore "steps out" with a man. Kim Kardashian gives up on "fairy tale" love. Tuesday gossip is something blue.
The first question you probably asked yourself when you got out of bed this morning was probably, "What insightful opinions can Ann Coulter share with me today?" And now you'll never now, thanks to the oppressive "douche bags" at Morning Joe, who bleeped out about 13 seconds of Coulter's hilariously edgy political commentary:
Earlier this year, New York times photographer Lynsey Addario was kidnapped in Libya while covering that nation's revolution. That sucks. Shortly after being freed, she was shut out at the National Magazine Awards. That sucks. And last month, she was strip searched by Israeli soldiers—while pregnant! Shitty year, all around!
This actor's toddler was in the car when he bought drugs. These celebrity BFFs are having difficulties and this famous couple is getting really into coke. Good thing they have nannies!
One funny thing that homegrown American sweetheart Jennifer Lopez did recently was to make this Fiat commercial about her love for the Bronx without actually leaving her platinum-coated soundstage in L.A. at any moment. As if Jennifer Lopez would be caught dead in a Fiat! Right? Anyhow, they also apparently used the huge TATS Cru "I (Heart) The Bronx" mural without permission.
The most reviled woman in America at the moment is without a doubt the Wal-Mart pepper sprayer, whose cold, bald avarice eclipsed all other Black Friday crimes. (The most reviled woman in the U.K. is this one, but that's another story.) Yet despite turning herself in to police, she still walks freely among us. Why? Could there be any doubt as to her culpability? We've all seen the video capturing the moment, in which we can clearly make out, uh, a bunch of people screaming in a Wal-Mart?
When Chick-fil-A isn't spending millions trying to clog the channels of gay rights legislation as effectively as their grease-soaked poultry mittens clog human arteries, the Atlanta-based restaurant chain expends its energy in equally productive ways. Case in point: Their current attempts at preventing Bo Muller-Moore, a Vermont folk artist, from selling silkscreened T-shirts bearing the words "Eat More Kale" on them.
Pedobear! You know him as the internet superstar who brings joy to millions as a cuddly harbinger of child predation. But not everyone finds the concept of a pervy virtual Easter Bunny to be utterly delightful. In 2010, the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Department issued a warning claiming that Pedobear had been "adopted as a mascot" by pedophiles. (It was a perfectly logical assumption, seeing as how child molesters have long sought a highly recognizable cartoon symbol to align themselves with, that they might be more readily identified amidst the general population.) Now, the New Mexico Attorney General's Office has made it a top priority to alert parents to the furry, lollipop-wielding menace in our midst.
Remember that completely misleading Mitt Romney ad that attacked President Obama for saying something that was actually said by John McCain, whom Obama was quoting in the video that Romney used to make said ad? On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert explained why Romney should issue No Apology for it.
In May, Northwestern University cancelled "Fucksaw 101," officially known as "Human Sexuality," over its infamous live demonstration of a woman being fucked. Or sawed. Or whatever. But now, deviancy once again haunts the sex-crazed Northwestern campus, as this recent campus-wide email, sent to us by several tipsters, proves:
In case you were too busy eating last Thursday to keep up with the news, some conservatives were very upset with President Obama for leaving God out of his YouTube Thanksgiving address. No, Obama isn't the only recent president to do so, and yes, God was in his written address, but that didn't stop Fox News from devoting way too much airtime to overreacting to the "snub." So on tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart gave the crybaby network a nice lashing.
Now, we don't want to alarm you, but it's time you learned the truth. Magazines sometimes touch up photos of celebrities. I know. I know! It's shocking to think that Redbook might not be the absolute model of a journalistic commitment to the truth. But there it is. And here's a good way to deal with it.
Josef Stalin's last surviving daughter, Lana Peters, née Svetlana Stalina, has died. She was in Wisconsin, of all places, where she'd been living on and off since 1986; unsurprisingly, she had a hard, shitty life, thanks in no small part to her father, who was nearly as brutal a father as he was a dictator. But don't take our word for it!
