It's well established that when people are mad, they tend to say things they'll later regret.

Wake up, zombie Americans! It's time to stop wasting our time jabbering about inconsequential matters like sports or cable TV shows or a "government shutdown." Our fellow citizens are, right this moment, facing an actual crisis: waiting in their cars far too long for a Sausage-n-Cheez Biscuit Combo.

Burger King, the fantastic land where you can find weed and razor blades in your burger, will begin selling “Satisfries” Tuesday, a crinkle-cut french fry with 20 percent fewer calories than their regular french fries. A small order of Satisfries will contain 270 calories as opposed to a 350-calorie small order of their regular fatty-fat fries.

If you’ve ever wanted to go to McDonald’s and make one giant sandwich out of every sandwich they offer, the good news is that you can as long as you have $140.33. Nick at Dude Foods, who claims that building the McEverything has been the “number one item” on his bucket list for a few years, recently completed this horrifying feat. But why would anyone want a sandwich that combines a fucking Sausage McGriddle, a Big Mac, and a Filet-O-Fish?

Two teens on a romantic night out decided to class up their visit to a local McDonald's with a tablecloth, some dinnerware, a pair of wine glasses, a few fake candles, and a handmade straw centerpiece.

It's being called "the most beautiful, haunting infomercial you'll ever see."

Police in California say a local McDonald's manager has confessed to robbing two McDonald's restaurants at gunpoint — including his very own branch.

A new season is dawning, and with it, a new craving in America's soul. A craving for sustenance. A new kind of sustenance. Or, more accurately, a "comically large quantity of McDonald's food items" kind of sustenance.

Today, a right wing think tank ran a full page Wall Street Journal ad implying that a rise in the minimum wage would cause fast food workers to be replaced by robots. The prospect of robo-dystopia did not deter the hundreds of chanting protesters who bent the corner of Broadway and Nassau at 11:15 this morning.

Surveillance cameras inside a Florida Dunkin' Donuts store captured footage of two irate customers using a loaded gun to assault an employee because he gave them the wrong kind of coffee.

With the recent expansion of its breakfast taco test to dozens of restaurants nationwide, and with the chicken and waffle craze reaching peak hype thanks to Popeyes Chicken Waffle Tenders and Frito Lay's re-introduced Chicken & Waffles-flavored potato chips, it was only a matter of time before Taco Bell put its hands together and came up with the Chicken & Waffle Taco.

On every box of Papa John's pizza, founder and CEO John Schnatter recounts his ongoing mission to "build a better pizza" using "the highest quality ingredients available - like fresh, never frozen original dough, all-natural sauce, veggies sliced fresh daily and 100 percent real beef and pork."

It's not every day that someone actually buys Domino's Pizza on purpose and then proceeds to enjoy what they bought.

The scourge of the "cronut" — Dominique Ansel Bakery's mythological hybrid (as in, it's so hard to get one, it might as well be a myth) — has officially gone mainstream.

With fast-food workers around the country striking for better pay, a new study finds that McDonald's could double all of its employees' wages and benefits—including the CEO's—and the cost of a Big Mac would only increase by 68 cents. The Dollar Menu would increase to $1.17.

It's the American dream: start out as a wretched fry cook at McDonald's, and— with plenty of pluck and hard work— work your way up to owning your own McDonald's one day. A new study quantifies just how unrealistic this idea is.

Weary American diners will no longer be forced to laboriously consume two separate foods in order to get the great flavor of chicken and waffles.

There are some things that make you reminisce wistfully on your own childhood and realize, "yeah, things were better back then." Like today's so-called "music." Or today's so-called "fashion." Or when Taco Bell announces they're ending their kids meals.

You'd think that, with the recent rash of news stories covering fast food employees getting canned for posting photos of themselves mishandling food to their social media accounts, other restaurant industry workers would arrive at the conclusion that following in their footsteps would be a bad move on their part.

After being denied service by a drive-thru employee, one McDonald's customer who attempted to place an order while on horseback decided to try her luck inside the restaurant.