You like to play with the pretty horses? Step away, until you pony up some cash, ha. High profile horse racing has become an entirely corporate marketing-driven spectacle, where horses are sponsored by UPS and owned by hedge funds. The big sponsor of the Kentucky Derby is YUM Brands, owner of Taco Bell and KFC. Who could embody the noble spirit of galloping stallions better than the nation's leading purveyor of Mexican Pizzas? Anyhow, YUM's CEO, David Novak, found out the perils of sponsoring an event with live animals when a horse up and died on the track at the Derby last weekend. With no idea what was happening, Novak stepped up moments later and gave his little speech plugging his company, which has proven to the world that he hates dead ponies:

Further proof that founding a fast food chain will ensure you live a long, healthy life: Baskin-Robbins founder Irvine Robbins has died at the age of 90. Consume butterfat in his memory. [LAT]

Bruce Oldfield was once famed for designing glamorous outfits for Princess Diana. His latest project: McDonald's uniforms. All the jokes seem too obvious. While the brand will certainly get a bit of a positive halo effect for being associated with a high-fashion guy who would otherwise never set foot in the place, I can say confidently as a veteran of the McD's kitchen that Oldfield's expressed wish, "I hope they enjoy wearing the uniforms," will not come true. Sorry. And is it necessary to inflict a "jaunty neck scarf" on women working the register? The most important quality of a McDonald's uniform is that it's dark enough to hide grease spots. All this upscale designing is a waste of time, we're sorry to say. Click through for two more picture of Oldfield's highly paid work on behalf of the fast food proletariat:

Just in time for Super Size Me director Morgan Spurlock's new movie, a Wall Street analyst is getting closer to the fast-food companies he tracks by eating only "quick-service" food for all of April. It's halfway through the month; how's he doing? The answer won't be surprising to those who remember how long the founders of Popeyes, Carl's Jr. and Fatburger lived:

In January, Carl Karcher, the founder of the fast food chain Carl's Jr., died at the age of 90. In February, Lovie Yancey, the founder of Fatburger, died at the age of 96. And just yesterday, Al Copeland, the founder of Popeyes Fried Chicken, died at the age of 64. Which is not bad for a man with a lifetime diet of fried chicken! Does this mean that 2008 is a deadly year for our beloved fast food entrepreneurs? No, it means that fast food will keep you alive well past the expected time of your demise. Honor their memories with greasy meat. [Tabloid Baby]

Nothing says "good job" like a heart attack, we always say. So we were thrilled to learn that "last week, students in Seminole County, Florida apparently received their report cards in envelopes adorned with Ronald McDonald promising a free Happy Meal to students with good grades, behavior or attendance." IS NOTHING SACRED?