Would you like to hear the romantic story of "James" and "Maura," the Irish couple who fell in love and had a child after meeting at a nightclub? What if I told you that "James" and "Maura" were half-siblings?
We can all remember the terror of riding sweet ponies though the countryside and then being run down by an overconfident ostrich. Oh, how we laughed over hot cocoas later, remembering how Dad showed that ostrich who's boss! ...Wait, what?
A recent Folgers commercial has been overtaking the airwaves. But what seems to be getting the most on-air emphasis here is not sub-par coffee... It's distasteful family relations!
For some, visiting the family for the holidays is fun. For the rest of us, it's a grueling ordeal, a test of endurance. However, I am surprised that "booze" isn't the solution here. Live and learn, I guess.
Thanksgiving is a day for being with family, giving thanks, and—ohmygod, you burned the freaking turkey, didn't you. DIDN'T YOU! Please step away from the canned cranberry sauce and let Anthony Bourdain be your Thanksgiving guide.
A tipster passed along something we didn't know: Noted Scientologist Greta van Susteren's sister is a psychiatrist. Or, as Greta's religion would have it, a practitioner of the "industry of death," a "fraud," a drug-peddler, and a "rapist." We asked her what she thought of her sister's curious views.
Like the family of Czar Nicholas II, the Gosselin clan of TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8 are going down. Quickly. And it's gonna get uglier.
Barack Obama's half-brother, Samson Obama, was reportedly arrested in England last November for attempting to sexually assault a 13-year-old girl.
Pictured, part of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's family (the Havana Pee-Wee-League girls' softball team had a championship game in Santa Domingo) as they arrive at Japan's Narita International Airport for a promotional press tour.
Boy another stunt from the Obama campaign, it makes us sick. The radical Democratic candidate is leaving the campaign trail for "more than 36 hours" to head over to exotic, foreign "Hawaii" to look after his 85-year-old grandmother Madelyn Dunham, who is "gravely ill." Mrs. Dunham raised young Obama for many of his childhood years, and she's among the last of his immediate family left. As we all also know, Obama hates his terrible racist grandmother with a fiery angry black radical passion, because she is a racist. We know this because in a frank and honest interview following his smart and important speech on race, he called her a "typical white person" because she is at heart a kind and good person who sometimes feels irrational prejudices. This enraged Geraldine Ferraro, and others. It was a punchline at The Corner for a good six months. As we all know it is very important for a young man of mixed racial background raised by white people to never acknowledge that those white people are anything but idealized perfection incarnate. To admit that you are pained when they reveal deep-set prejudices is nothing but PLAYING THE RACE CARD. It is disgusting that Barack Obama will now have us believe that he "loves" his grandmother. We expect the conservative commentariat to back us up on this point shortly.
If you were Rupert Murdoch's niece, you'd probably keep it under wraps too. Anna Torv, the Vera Farmiga-esque star of J.J. Abrams' new X-Files rip-off sequel homage? inspired show Fringe, is the Australian media mogul's (and wicked conservative world manipulator who owns the television network she's on) niece by marriage. But she's not too fond of the connection. "I hate that that even comes up," she told an inquiring mind. "I've been estranged from my father since I was eight." Her father being the brother of Murdoch's ex-wife, also named Anna Torv. Hah. Murdoch and Torv's divorce was pretty nasty, so her being cast was probably not a case of nepotism. Just sheer weird coincidence (like on the show!). You have to wonder what the Fox Labor Day picnic was like. "Ello there, how's the potato salad?" "Good. It's... good." I also wonder if she ever wakes with a start in the middle of the night with the sensation of having cold hands around her neck, a low rumble and the faint hum of a didgeridoo lilting in from somewhere past the bedroom door.
Barack Obama has a half-brother who lives in a shack and hasn't spoken to the candidate in years. Just like in The Onion the other day! Ha ha ha! Except this one lives in Kenya and lives on less than a dollar a month and is too embarrassed to admit to people that he's related to the American presidential candidate. Plus side for Obama: George is too far away to embarrass him like Roger Clinton or Billy Carter. Downside: His brother lives in a shanty town on Kenya. Barry Hussein met young George Hussein Obama back in 2006 for the first time since they were children. They haven't spoken since. "I am good with my fists," George Obama reports. All in all, we liked the wacky Onion story better! [Daily Telegraph]
That Slate lady-blog has been talking about divorce all week, all because Maureen Dowd wrote a column about how no man on Earth is good enough to marry her (or "you"). And because Ellen Tien wrote an O Magazine piece about how her husband is an utter shithole who she can't wait to divorce, right ladies? Anyway. For those keeping score at home:
Barack Obama, his wife Michelle, and his daughters Malia Ann and Sasha all sat down for an adorable interview with Access Hollywood. They are sitting in, perhaps, some sort of backlot western town set. Someone named Maria Menounos is being all Access Hollywood-y at them. But still, in the 30s seconds of interview available so far, we have to admit that we don't hate Barack Obama's kids. They're making fun of his ratty old clothes, all sitcom-like! This celeb media offensive seems to be paying off. Maybe Michelle should become a Best Week Ever talking head or something next? Hooray for no substance! Clip after the jump.
