"Hey, people are talking about that terrible, morally reprehensible thing you wrote about Neal Pollack's four-year-old in their Facebook status updates," I told Josh last Friday. "Wow, cultural relevance!" he said. "Yes, that is how we're measuring that these days," I told him. It was funny (or not) because it's kind of true! The person who'd updated her status to defend Pollack—"[Person] is wondering why it's acceptable to pick on small children on gossip websites"—later changed her status to "[Person] is going to write more 'blind item' status updates so more people will post on her wall," and we can see why—she netted 6 new friends from the whole deal! So that's one kind of Facebook status update: The blind item. What are the other kinds?