A jury today acquitted that stockbroker who upended a fellow spin-class participant's stationary bike. Christopher Carter had gone after Stuart Sugarman for shouting "Yeah!" and "You go girl!" at the top of his lungs after the class instructor declined to intervene. The district attorney went after him for assault, which would have carried up to a year in prison, but jurors were sympathetic to Carter's plight. One told the Times: "I probably would have helped Carter with telling the instructor, 'Look at this guy. He's being a nuisance.'" Well, yes, but Sugarman spent two weeks in the hospital with neck injuries. What does it take to get Equinox gym to intervene in one of these classes? And, most importantly, is it really a safe place for so many of our alleged closeted gay celebrities? [Times] (Public domain photo via Wikipedia)

Last year, tabloids were abuzz with the story of a spinning class gone bad on the Upper East Side. One man was assaulted by another man, right in the middle of class. To be fair, the man who was assaulted—48-year-old Stuart Sugarman—is the type of guy who likes to shout out "you go girl!" and "great song!" during spinning class. A fellow spinner, irate at Stuart's unceasing exclamations, grabbed his bike and slammed him against the wall. Now the case has finally come to trial, and Sugarman took the stand yesterday, resulting in what is perhaps the finest exercise-related legal news story of the year:

In the latest installment of why geeks make good lovers, former Gawker contributor Doree Shafrir opines on how taut and svelte is replacing pasty and sallow amongst the literary dorks of New York. But part of keeping up appearances is working out on the down low — it's important not to look like you want to look good. For those of you with a little less invested in an maintaining an ironic veneer, Tim Ferriss has some bodyhacks for weight loss and muscle gain.

A breakthrough study from the Society of Medical Researchers Who Didn't Think Up a Study Topic Until the Very Last Minute has found that limiting the amount of time your fattie kids sit on their ass watching TV or playing on the internet could help them lose weight! Kids tended to eat less junk food when they were forced to get off their ass and do something else, the study determined [WSJ]. One doctor is recommending parents get some kind of electronic device that limits brain-numbing time per week for children. We wholeheartedly support this effort to whip these no-account kids today into shape. Junk food and TV are not the way to go. There is only one safe and effective way to gain weight:

Forbes sex "exercise porn" feminism "offensive gender stereotypes"