Perhaps we're a bit naive when it comes to the things we're told by beauty pageant winners, so blinded by their laser-whitened smiles and duct-tape fastened cleavage that we fail to properly scrutinize unlikely claims regarding commitment to world peace and "feeding the starving Africanese children." So you'll forgive us when we noted without suspicion a news item in which reigning Miss Puerto Rico Universe Ingrid Marie Rivera claimed that an unknown saboteur covered her stage wardrobe in pepper spray. What seemed at first a feat of superhuman, pageant-queen-mind- over-chemical-irritant-matter has now raised questions from incredulous authorities:

The world of professional pageanteering is not for the faint-hearted, where fierce competition for a coveted crown has led many an unsuspecting beauty queen to fall victim to cyanide-laced Vaseline poisonings and slipped-mickey stupid pills that cause them to blabber incoherently about the sorry state of U.S. American education. Thankfully, Ingrid Marie Rivera managed to survive her sabotage attempts and go on to take the Miss Puerto Rico Universe 2008 title, but not before succumbing to a severe allergic reaction after her gowns were doused backstage in pepper spray: