A Madison, Wisconsin business that plans to offer its clients private rooms with beds where they can snuggle with female staff members in exchange for cash is having trouble getting a permit from the city because officials aren't so sure it isn't a whore house.

If you're as American as I assure you I am, don't even look it up, then you can't be limited to just regular old sugar. Regular sugar is white, but "this land is your land" (multicultural). When you get a mighty hunger after driving your pickup truck to the American football games, nothing will hit that "sweet spot" except for some delicious real corn sugar. Whoops, sorry—the government bureaucrats aren't "okay" with that.

Political prop and fecund fameball Bristol Palin has admitted to getting surgery on her jaw: "I had corrective jaw surgery." Like a starlet "correcting" a deviated septum, Bristol insists that the alteration was a medical necessity.

Has Wall Street not suffered enough? Don't answer that. The point is, more and more studies are coming to the conclusion that Wall Street pay will be up this year. How can we say this, euphemistically?

Someone at ABC News either has poor attention to detail, or is especially clever. Here's what they tweeted this afternoon about anti-masturbation Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell. For the record, she calls her stance "Polishing the Delaware." ("Doing the Dover-Under"?)

In one of the most entertaining conversations in an otherwise rather bland season of Entourage, Turtle talks to Drama and Vince about his terribly awkward experience after seeing his first 3D "shaved box." Looks like the writers are writing again.

Trying to get her spark back in the bedroom, a Christian woman went looking for "marital aids" and all she found was porn. Her solution? The world's first Christian sex toy shop. You're going to love their euphemisms.

People in higher income brackets: they're just like us. For example, they're still going to The Hamptons this summer, but they're going to be toning it down. What, you've heard this story before?

"We didn't attempt to silence Violet. We unpublished our own work." That's how the geek culture blog Boing Boing defended their decision to delete every post referring to sex writer Violet Blue for no given reason. The team's refusal to explain further turned this obscure event into a giant blog fight: because a couple of bloggers hid behind mealy-mouthed words instead of coming out firing all weapons, like proper Internet talk is supposed to go. Driven by the same old ass-covering impulse, anyone trying to make a buck uses bland business-speak online: "Restructuring" for mass layoffs, "brand advertising" for ads that no one clicks. Below are over a dozen such terms and their true definitions.

CNN heartthrob Anderson Cooper devoted a couple minutes of his program to AN ADORABLE BEAR last night! Seriously. "Frankly I can watch this bear for hours," said Cooper. How does Anderson know so much about bears? His exciting answer to that question may be found in the attached clip! (We suspect he may be exaggerating the breadth of his knowledge.)

A meandering, unsigned note in this week's New Republic informs readers that the magazine is going on vacation, and that the magazine will be published three weeks from now, instead of the "customary two." Err, okay! This raises a few questions for us, some of which are related to the fact that this week's issue is a scarily thin 48 pages.