NASA claims that the world isn't ending tomorrow have largely fallen deaf ears despite overwhelming evidence that it's already tomorrow in some parts of the world and those parts are still intact.

Polygamous sect leader Warren Jeffs, Chinese doomsday cult members, and Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard have all confirmed that the world will end this Friday just as the Maya predicted several millennia ago, but NASA continues to insist that it won't.

For fans of the American ice cream institution known as Good Humor, the inability to purchase several of the brand's more popular dessert products due to a major supply shortage is no laughing matter.

A new poll conducted for Reuters found that 1 in 7 people worldwide believe the world will end during their lifetime. 10 percent think the "end" of the Maya long count calendar could mean it will happen in 2012, an interpretation disputed by Maya scholars but not Maya gods.

With the stink of celebrity deaths and recession wafting around us, we need a restorative figure of youth. A symbol of American virility. A man who, despite his antiquated views of women and Jews, can make America feel giddy again.

Nighmare online douchey dater John Fitzgerald Page was just on CNN Headline News. You know, the service that brings you a digest version of the most important news stories on the planet.

Cancel those ends of days-Ingrid Sischy isn't leaving Interview, she's just on vacation with Sir Elton John. In South Africa. Naturally! The magazine's executive editor Brad Goldfarb tells us it's a "long-planned" annual trip and that he's been working with Sischy by phone all week. She'll be "back at her desk Monday," he said. Phew! Also, never mind!

The best part of today's profile of David Chang in the Times isn't that the reporter notices Pearl Jam playing on the stereo (no big deal, I have a limited edition of Ten!) or the news (unconfirmed) that Chang will be opening a Vegas Momofuku. No, the best part comes from Chang himself. Apropros entrepreneurs, Chang asserts that restaurateur "Jeffrey Chodorow is the antichrist." A quick marshaling of the evidence proves that Chang is factually correct.