Best Frankensentence: "My favorite Britney video is 'Slave' because it's empowering to women and it's sexy as hell!"

The public relations industry is full of whores. Sometimes, they get themselves confused with the rest of the world. We present one of those instances, below. This is PR Dummies. Flackery's worst, every week.

Here's a thing that the genius multibillion-dollar marketing industry did, probably at a cost of millions upon millions of dollars: instead of saying "incontinence," now we say "light bladder leakage," because that term is "less stigmatizing." See how much better it sounds? "Light bladder leakage." It's not all medical-y. It's just very plain and upfront to let people know, yes, urine is leaking from my bladder, lightly, and hey, I'm still human.

Tween girls: They're not just "sexting" and squealing all the time, as the media would lead you to believe. Instead, they're attending the "National Tween Girl Summit" to overcome juvenile, ignorant media stereotypes and be empowered, like so:

At first, we thought that some editor at Parade (motto: "When the Cerritos Pennysaver's celebrity coverage is too hard hitting, we're there for you.") was trying to slyly undermine the above pullquote (from this Sunday's issue) about Jessica Alba's ambitious plan to produce movies with empowering female roles by reminding everyone that her greatest critical accolade is the coveted "Sexiest Performance" Golden Tub of Popcorn. But then we realized that when the actress really gets her producing career rolling, those are exactly the parts she'll develop for herself, proving to the white males who control Hollywood that she no longer needs them to cast her in the stripper roles that best show off her talents.