Cultural critic Fran Lebowitz is the perfect dresser if you enjoy women in men's suit jackets and cowboy boots, and the perfect speaker if you enjoy words. ELLE.com's Kathleen Hale recently sat down with Lebowitz at Burger Heaven (after Lebowitz threatened to cancel the interview if Hale was going to conduct it via the cell phone she used to contact Lebowitz) for a wide-ranging interview on a bunch of shit that Lebowitz hates (yoga pants, men in shorts, glasses jackers) and a few things Lebowitz likes (Dolly Parton). You should read the whole thing because it's absolutely the best celebrity interview of the year so far, but I'm pasting in some highlights below:

Robyn Rihanna BadGalRiRi BackOnInstagram Fenty is Elle's December cover girl. The cover story's not out for a week, but in a limited Q&A released today, the mag reveals RiRi's Christmas wish, which we are all dying to know:

I suppose it was inevitable. Jessica Simpson—like Demi Moore, Britney Spears, and every other female celebrity who has ever been pregnant—is on the cover of a magazine naked, pregnant, and posed with one hand on her boobs and the other on her belly. The pictures appeared online yesterday. Aren't we sick of this pose, yet?

Gay liberation and women's liberation come full circle today: In "The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name," gay Elle writer Seth Plattner announces that he likes to make out with women sometimes, not because he is bisexual, but because he really likes sexual attention. He's like a drunk sorority girl at a frat party, but gay and at a cool bar in New York. Here is his confession:

James Franco found some time in his packed schedule for his most recent snobby art project: a photo exhibit at the Venice Biennial. It features pictures of models Agyness Deyn, Natalia Bonifacci, and Imogen Poots dressed up to look like James Dean.

In your serene Wednesday media column: Jay Severin gets canned, a blogger sues over working conditions, Pinch defends his paywall, Hearst is full of catty status-seekers, and Rachel Maddow will make you a martyr.

Hearst's long-awaited purchase of French media conglomerate Lagardere's international magazine business is finally official. The purchase price: $887 million. The upshot: Hearst may now be the most powerful decider of the future of the magazine industry.

2010 was a great year for Lady Gaga, and a great year for magazines that put her on the cover, with L.G. issues selling higher than usual. But which celebs can't move a mag to save their lives?

Hearst is reportedly close to a deal to buy Hachette Filipacchi Media, publisher of Elle and Woman's Day, in a deal that would make Hearst easily the dominant publisher of American female-centric media.

Well, who knows about now, but back at the beginning of her career she certainly wouldn't have. In an interview with Elle, the wispy actress talks about an uncomfortable casting couch situation early in her acting days. She said no!

Lindsay Lohan admits she failed a drug test; now she faces jail! Russell Brand placed under citizen's arrest for paparazzi beatdown. Did Elle whiten Gabourey Sidibe's face? Paris Hilton's plea deal. Saturday Gossip Roundup is not eating brunch.

In your fearmongering Monday media column: vicious rumors of bedbugs at Elle, a mass exodus from the New York Observer, Sidney Harman has some ideas for Newsweek, media job moves afoot, and Philly wants to tax bloggers.

Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian did a Graduate-themed photo shoot for ELLE's September issue. This really bothers Bill O'Reilly, and he let it be known tonight in a weird segment full of concern, confusion, and sexual references galore. Video inside.

In your sweltering (but not sizzling) Wednesday media column: four bidders left for Newsweek, rumors of a Hachette- Hearst joint venture, Time magazine flirts with a paywall, and city hall reporters now work in a trailer, where they belong.

We were too busy eating Mexican food last night to watch The City. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern is around to give us all the dirt, and eat our left-over chimichanga.

We were too busy eating gelato last night to actually watch The City. However our fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was on the prowl and will bring you all the dirt on her newest nemesis Louise Roe.

Fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern called this morning and said she couldn't write about The City. Something to do with prostitution charges and Tom Arnold. Anyway, you're stuck with me, and I actually had to watch the show.

We were too busy looking for a cute new umbrella on the internet to bother with The City. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there to fill us in on a very important fashion summit.

MTV reality star and socialite Olivia Palermo is 24 and still a sophomore at The New School. We hear she doesn't pay much attention in class. Maybe that's why she's still in school! Oh, and she hates us.

In your uproarious Thursday media column: Gerald Posner lawyers up, your favorite comic strip goes dark, a reporter's ready to run against John McCain, the internet gets more ad money, and something wacky is going on at Elle.