That's what happened after the cut to black! Well, it's what might happen to James Gandolfini anyway. Also today: A beloved actress departs Weeds, a new horror movie sounds truly horrific, children are ruined forever, and a Jesus cartoon.

Last night, Jeopardy! welcomed Pat Sajak, Elizabeth Perkins and Doug Savant to play in its Million Dollar Celebrity Invitational. Sajak shrewdly dominated the game, and with good reason: when he decided to be momentarily altruistic, the competition failed miserably.

Chloe Sevigny turns 35 today. Project Runway winner Christian Siriano is turning 24. Owen Wilson is 41. Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly is turning 39. Former MSNBC anchor Rita Cosby turns 45. Elizabeth Perkins of Weeds is 49. Singer-songwriter Duncan Sheik is 40. Comedian Kevin Nealon is turning 56. The Office's Oscar Nunez is 51. The rapper Fabolous is 32. Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett turns 47. Former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is turning 86. And former Dynasty star Linda Evans is 67.

Chloe Sevigny turns 34 today. Project Runway winner Christian Siriano is 23. Owen Wilson is 40. Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly turns 38. Weeds actress Elizabeth Perkins is 48. Singer-songwriter Duncan Sheik is turning 39. The rapper Fabolous is 31. Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett is 46. Former Dynasty star Linda Evans is 66 years old. And scandal-plagued Alaska Senator Ted Stevens can look forward to celebrating his 85th today in the company of his lawyers.

For the first time in our Weeds-watching experience, we actually worried we’d gotten a contact high from watching last night’s Bizarro World episode. As soon as we realized this would be the only time we’d seen the show open without “Little Boxes” setting the carefree tone, replaced by an opening sequence set at the Mexican border, Nancy uneasily waltzing around high as a kite on a beach, it became clear that our Weeds is even more potent than usual. Though we still haven’t accepted the fact that much of this highly-rated season will take place in Mexico as the Botwins run from the law, we were finally able to shake our rising paranoia upon seeing the indefatigable Elizabeth Perkins appear looking nothing like the Celia we’ve loved, hated, then loved again. Imagine a young Bette Midler dressed up as little orphan Annie, styled by Mexico’s answer to Rachel Zoe, grab the nearest pillow in the likely instance you find yourself needing to scream, and get high on this clip (no substances required).