• Denis Leary's wife, Ann, has for years been secretly not cool with the comedian having dining, hanging out with and getting diet and exercise makeovers from his knockout friend Elizabeth Hurley, so she sadly channeled her frustrations into a thinly-veiled "novel." Something tells me Denis, in a similar situation, would have just cussed and yelled about it for an hour or so until the situation somehow resolved itself. Not that there's anything wrong with different "communication styles." [R&M]

After turning their swarthy disdain for Jaffa Cake Knees into a full-out journalistic attack, the Brit tabloids are at it again, only now they've sunk their unmanicured claws into an affliction rampant in Hollywood they've dubbed "trout pouts." Known victims of said affliction, like Jenna Jameson and Heidi Fleiss, have long been injecting so much poison into their lips that kissing them might feel a bit like sucking on an well-inflated balloon. Angelina Jolie Pillow Lips, these are not. After singling out once-quite-pretty actress Saffron Burrows as the poster girl for T.P., they've unleashed their venomous pens on several other poufy-lipped ladies—and no group of newsies writes a meaner caption than the snarky Brits. NSFYH (that's Not Safe For Your Health) pics, along with their brush-offs, after the jump.

Would you like to work for former famous person Elizabeth Hurley (Vanessa Kensington) and her husband, Indian textiles heir Arun Nayar? As long as you don't mind cleaning house twenty hours a day for only a small pile of rupees, you'll absolutely love it. Just ask Violet D'Souza, the couple's former maid (brought from Mumbai by Nayar) who recently accused the couple of making her toil seven days a week for the paltry sum of only $200 (paid, allegedly, in Indian currency.) The case was dropped, though, when a reportedly five figure settlement was reached late yesterday. That's the problem with those girls from deepest Indjuh - once they get a taste for lovely light-skinned life in London, it's all outrageous demands. At least five figures will last her a good three weeks in that most expensive of cities. [P6]

Feast your lascivious eyes on this, the original "fembot" prop from 1999's Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Those unfortunate enough to have seen the movie may recall that the bot was modeled after the Elizabeth Hurley character. So even though this version comes with a removable face (included!) and gun-mountable nipple ports, you can still exult in ample late-1990s Hurley cleavage. Only $1,500 on eBay, and no bids as of this writing. Get everyone in the book club to pitch in.

· The odd couple: "Winona Ryder and Al Pacino have again sparked rumors that they're dating. At a screening of John Malkovich's "The Dancer Upstairs" at the American Museum of the Moving Image Monday night, 'they were arm in arm, and looking very friendly'" [NY Daily News]
· Dave Eggers is now married. Page Six, on the news: "Egger's legions of adoring female fans will no doubt be crushed at the news." [Page Six]
· The piano player at the Monkey Bar has been fired for not telling the owner there were hookers there: "There's been hookers here for eight years. I'm just the piano player. And then he fired me" [Page Six]
· Liz Hurley screamed at British Airways flight attendants the other day when they wouldn't upgrade her married boyfriend to first class. "Don't you know who I am?" she yelled. "I bloody demand that he's upgraded. Don't you know he's a millionaire? I'm always flying on British Airways, so you'd better pull your finger out." [Page Six]
· Designer Rem Koolhas, closing his New York office, says he's fed up with New York and is shifting his focus to Beijing. [Page Six]

· Elizabeth Hurley has convinced her married lover, Arun Nayar, to file for divorce from his Italian model wife so he can marry her instead. [Page Six]
· The Loser's Lounge tribute to the Mamas and the Papas got raided Friday night by various city agencies and the show was delayed for an hour. No violations were found. One spectator said he heard over 40 places got raided over the weekend. [Page Six]
· Rosie O'Donnell screamed at NYT music critic Jon Pareles to "get up and dance" at the Annie Lennox concert on Monday. [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams swipes back at Maer Roshan after his staff claims in his new magazine, Radar that he's such a media whore that he'd "have sex with Cindy Adams for two more column inches." "My sources claim those two extra inches Maer could use are not in a column." [Cindy Adams]
· Tony Blair will soon be making a guest appearance on The Simpsons. [NY Daily News]