New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has set a special election date, September 13, for the vacant seat of ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner, who is going to Internet penis rehab. Prepare for extravagant memorializing displays from each candidate on 9/11.

Ex-Pizza Hut president and savior Mike Rawlings became top chef of Dallas on Saturday, because pizza-oriented politicians are trendy these days. Rawlings, who's also been a czar of homelessness, beat a former police chief. [Image via AP.]

Who would have guessed that the guy behind "The Most American Campaign Ad Ever Made" would also make The Most Racist Campaign Ad Ever Made? Everyone, probably. Everyone could have guessed that.

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R - The Negative Zone) is officially running for president! (We should hope so, given that she's appearing in a presidential debate right now.) Is Bachmann crazy enough to win the nomination? We say yes... unless Bill Clinton kills her first.

"I only want him to stay out of my business for the next 935 days. For the record, I do not plan to go into his business." — Mayor Michael Bloomberg discussing Alec Baldwin's potential run for mayor.

Every time Sen. Rick Santorum mentions his presidential run, something ominous happens. This morning, a balloon spontaneously exploded while Santorum was yammering about his plan for Medicare. Then, while announcing his candidacy this afternoon, an onlooker collapsed a couple feet away from Santorum's podium. Next, Rick Santorum will summon plagues of locust and lice to announce how he will deal with the debt ceiling. [ABC News]

New York's 26th congressional district went to the polls on Tuesday to pick a replacement for their former representative Christopher Lee, who resigned after we caught him sending shirtless photos to women he met on Craigslist. The winner? Democrat Kathy Hochul, whose victory has been declared a repudiation of the Republican Medicare plan. Kathy! We don't necessarily expect a thank-you or anything, but if you want to say "hi," you can reach us at 646-470-4295.

Tomorrow, New York's 26th congressional district will elect a replacement for Craigslist Congressman Christopher Lee, the Republican who resigned after wooing strangers—including but not limited to transgender hookers—he met on Craigslist. And, according to recent polls, NY-26 might go blue:

Los Angeles Democrat Dan Adler, of "I'M KOREAN! WE MINORITIES SHOULD STICK TOGETHER!" campaign ad fame, received 285 votes in his Congressional primary. That's half of one percent of the vote. I guess the Asian-Jewish laundromat vote wasn't as critical as he thought? [Previously]

The special election for New York's 26th congressional district seat — the one left vacant by our beloved Craigslist Congressman, former Rep. Chris Lee — is 12 days away, and the race is rapidly becoming hilarious. Mostly because of the rich, 78-year-old buzzard running as a third-party candidate on the "Tea Party" line, Jack Davis, whose healthy poll numbers could help deny Republicans a victory in this extremely conservative district. So who is this guy, and why is he slapping cameras?

Warning: Bumpy Canadian politics ahead! Our increasingly-less-friendly neighbors to the north have spoken loudly at the polls, all but obliterating the moderate Liberals in tonight's national election.

Rick Santorum is backing away from the campaign slogan featured on the website for his exploratory committee, "Fighting to Make America America again," after it was pointed out to him that it was first made famous in a pro-union poem by the gay poet Langston Hughes.

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum has announced plans to form a presidential exploratory committee! Santorum is, of course, the anal sex byproduct candidate, but he's so much more than that, too—he's also the family values candidate:

Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus (R) has announced sharply amended totals for her county in the Supreme Court race from Tuesday night — saying that she had inadvertently failed to properly import and save data into a Microsoft Access database, omitting the numbers from the city of Brookfield and its over 14,000 votes. And as such, according to Nickolaus's new totals, Justice David Prosser has gained a net 7,582 votes — overcoming the razor-thin lead of liberal-backed challenger JoAnne Kloppenburg, who had already declared victory on Wednesday.

The pro-union forces in Wisconsin aren't quitting after the huge standoff between Republican Gov. Scott Walker and Senate Democrats earlier this year over a plan to eliminate collective bargaining rights for unionized public employees. Walker eventually won, but at a high cost to his and really any Wisconsin Republican's standing. Union supporters have stayed mobilized and are hoping to recall up to eight Republican state senators later this year, after all. But the first big test of their organized might came last night in a Wisconsin Supreme Court election for Chief Justice, the type of off-calendar race that few would usually give a crap about. And now it's too close to call.

Absolutely no one is on pins and needles over whether Barack Obama will seek reelection. But let's try to get excited about him announcing next week that he'll run for President again. It means he really likes working with us!

National Journal reports that President Obama is "fewer than three weeks away from formally announcing his reelection campaign." There will be a special YouTube video in honor of the occasion, and maybe some other stuff! (A piñata perhaps?)

Roy Moore, the Alabama Supreme Court Justice who was removed from office eight years ago for refusing to get rid of a Ten Commandments monument he commissioned, is "preparing to launch a presidential exploratory committee." Finally, a decent candidate.

On tonight's Real Time, Bill Maher declared that Republicans believe in "being against everything [Obama] is for" and "must nominate for 2012 a man who is the exact opposite of Obama." He even created one for them! Meet Karab Amabo.

The Arab Unrest has spread all the way to Canada, where the conservative government fell today in a vote of no confidence by opposition groups. New elections will be held in May. You should run! [Image: Shutterstock.com]