election

Whose Book Will Ruin Everything For Barack Obama?

Ryan Tate · 08/12/08 05:49AM

Various people became quite alarmed when New York said the following at the end of a long article on Barack Obama's campaign and race: "In October, Obama's former pastor, [Rev. Jeremiah] Wright, will publish a new book and hit the road to promote it, an occasion that might well place the topic of Obama's blackness (along with his patriotism and his candor about what he heard in the pews in all those years at Trinity Church) squarely at the center of the national debate." Oh, EXCELLENT.

John Edwards' 'Father Of The Year' Speech: Most Ironic Moments

Ryan Tate · 08/11/08 09:42PM

For some reason, the official John Edwards YouTube channel still includes a speech Edwards made in 2007 accepting a "Father Of The Year" award, even though it contains various comments that sound funny/awful now that the former presidential candidate has admitted to cheating on his wife. Edwards' people might have been expected to remove the video Friday, when it was discovered and linked by producers for delicate CNN anchor Anderson Cooper, a crew no doubt highly attuned to subtle irony delivered in front of a camera (though Deceiver beat them to it —Update). Of course, the Edwards camp was busy dealing with Nightline late last week, and maybe they also figured removing the speech would lend credence to charges Edwards fathered a love child, which he still denies. Plus, at six minutes long, the YouTube video is a slog most haters will never get through. So here are the best 23 seconds, courtesy CNN. Click the video icon to watch.

Want Barack Obama To Whisper VP Secrets To You?

Ryan Tate · 08/11/08 01:25AM

A donor to the Barack Obama presidential campaign forwarded an email from the Democratic candidate offering very special early notification when Obama picks his running mate. Obama even offered to text the guy's phone with the news just as soon as it's decided. "You have helped build this movement from the bottom up, and Barack wants you to be the first to know his choice," the campaign wrote. Only problem? Obama is saying the same exact thing to random strangers on his website. He's probably just trying to build a big email list to spam/telemarket for donations, which is predictable, but also NOT change we can believe it, damn it. Full email and blown-up spam form (picture, left) after the jump.

John Edwards' Innocent Cover Up

Ryan Tate · 08/09/08 03:18AM

Here is an excerpt of John Edwards on Nightline, where the Democratic politician spent most of the time trying to explain the limited nature of his bad behavior. His affair was a brief fling he quickly told his family about, driven by "a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want, you're invincible, and there will be no consequences." He didn't have a love child with his mistress, Rielle Hunter, and didn't know anything about any hush money she may have received. He'll take a paternity test and release the results to the news media, if someone can get Hunter to participate. And, Edwards said, he only visited Hunter again recently in a Los Angeles hotel at the insistence of a mutual friend, who promised to be present, to hear a story of Hunter's "struggles." Edwards gave the careful, plausible admission of a skilled lawyer. Whether he is believed will hinge on how people react to his most vulnerable moments. Click the video icon to watch two of them. [ABC News]

Edwards Mistress As Explained In American Psycho

Ryan Tate · 08/07/08 06:46AM

Rielle Hunter lived a rich second life as a character in literary fiction before allegedly luring Democratic politician John Edwards into a rich second life as father to her love child. You'll recall the actress was the inspiration for the pivotal bad girl, Alison Poole, in a novel by Jay McInerney. And that McInerney's friend Bret Eason Ellis extended Poole's highly sexual run in two of his own novels, Glamorama and American Psycho. As luck would have it, the 2000 movie adaptation of the latter book, starring Christian Bale, retains some discussion of Poole. As this video excerpt makes clear, Rielle Hunter — sorry, Alison Poole — had a reputation that preceded her. Click the icon to watch.

Exploding The Edwards Mistress Scandal

Ryan Tate · 08/06/08 09:28PM

The Raleigh News & Observer, which unlike other newspapers has never declared itself too good for the John Edwards love-child scandal, is first with the angle that will probably at long last propel the sordid tale into the Times and Washington Post and basically everywhere: Edwards' presumed speaking slot at the convention, which "ordinarily would be locked in," may be taken away unless he eliminates questions about his alleged affair and love-child. The News & Observer seems to have assembled the piece before the blurry new pictures of Edwards-and-daughter surfaced today, so it probably shouldn't have much trouble scaring up another statement like this, the only supporting quote in the article:

Tyra Banks Leaches Off Obama's Celebrity

Ryan Tate · 08/05/08 08:58PM

Harper's Bazaar's much-discussed photo spread of Tyra Banks as Michelle Obama is finally online, and my but is it ambitious. Also, cringey: Model-industry booster Banks is depicted behind the desk in a (poor) imitation Oval Office, in a strapless gown at a formal state dinner and even, as pictured, laughing at a newspaper story about fat white bitters with President Barry Hussein, presumably after making elitist love in Harvard sweatshirts. Wasn't it just yesterday that it was politicians acting like fools in hopes of stealing some celebrity buzz, rather than the other way around? Presidential candidates were appearing on Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show and even professional wrestling matches to promote themselves. Barack Obama always seemed the most aloof in this process, and now it's clear why: He has as much to offer the celebrity-industrial complex as it offers him. [Harper's Bazaar via Wonkette]

Paris Hilton Calls McCain, Obama 'Bitches'

Ryan Tate · 08/05/08 07:50PM

Remember how John McCain mocked Barack Obama by comparing the Democratic presidential candidate to Paris Hilton, implying both of them were vapid celebrities and royally pissing off Hilton's McCain-bankrolling family? It turns out Paris has a sense of humor about the whole thing, and made an actually-pretty-funny video about it for Will Ferrell's Funny Or Die. It's after the jump. And it's funny because Hilton implies she has a sophisticated knowledge of an important geopolitical issue LOL! Also, protocelebrities take note: This is a example of how you take some mildly negative PR and spin it so masterfully your image ends up better polished than ever.

WSJ Backtracking From Sketchy 'Beanpole' Obama Story

Ryan Tate · 08/05/08 06:48AM

Remember that story in the Wall Street Journal last week about how maybe elite Barack Obama was too skinny for lardy everyday Americans? Sure you do, it was a total water cooler piece and we all ate it up like the obese news gluttons that we are. It had great details, like how the Democratic presidential candidate drinks Black Forest Berry Honest Tea, and great quotes, like that one Clinton supporter who said "I won't vote for any beanpole guy," LOL. Well, it turns out that "beanpole quote" came from a sort-of jokey anonymous reply to a message board topic the Journal reporter herself created, and was the only remotely quotable line in that thread. And the Berry Honest Tea detail originated in a memo put out by Obama rival John McCain's campaign manager. Whoops! Today's it's correction time:

Stephen Colbert Solves Montauk Monster Mystery!

Ryan Tate · 08/04/08 11:30PM

Our old friend Monty got a shout-out tonight on the Colbert Report. Not only did this illustrate that his story has made that critical third leap — from blog to cable news to cable fake news — the segment also surfaced a highly plausible new theory as to what Earthly form Monty took before he became a demon hellspawn. Kiss the dog, raccoon, pig and vole theories goodbye! Click the video icon to view.

Blogger Banned Over Edwards Scandal Posts

Ryan Tate · 08/03/08 11:48PM

Lee Stranahan's post about lefty blogs ignoring the John Edwards affair was apparently the most highly trafficked story on the Huffington Post for at least two days. But when he crossposted the item to his "diary" on Daily Kos, it was suddenly not so popular! Go figure. The "liberal" militants there excoriated Stanahan in the comments, with one well-rated response declaring, "you are violating site standards referencing the Enquirer [and its Edwards coverage], a bannable offense." That's funny, because just a few years ago multiple Kos diarists trumpeted an unflattering Enquirer story about Bush, including one who said, "Sometimes the National Enquirer reports things better than the Washington Post." That person is still active on the site, but Stranahan is not so lucky!

Paris Hilton's Family Spanks McCain

Ryan Tate · 07/31/08 11:41PM

Just as we suspected, the Hilton family is pretty pissed they donated money to John McCain only to have him make their little Paris out to be some kind of trivial celebutard in an anti-Obama attack ad. Between Paris Hilton's parents and her grandpa, the family has donated close to $60,000 to McCain and a Republican party senate fund over the past few years. And yet they apparently got zero corrupting influence in return! What's the point of even being a Republican plutocrat? The Hilton patriarch has dispatched a series of angry telegrams to McCain headquarters demanding answers:

Edwards Love Child: No Father On Birth Certificate

Ryan Tate · 07/31/08 09:24PM

After wisely deciding that the massive John Edwards love child scandal is, in fact, a news story deserving of coverage, the Democratic politician's home-state newspaper the Raleigh News & Observer used basic journalism to uncover some interesting new information. Although Edwards' apparent mistress Rielle Hunter has claimed since even before her child was born that it was fathered by married Edwards aide Andrew Young, and even though Young issued a statement confirming this, the name of the father has been omitted from the child's birth certificate. Any other newspaper like the Times or Washington Post could have obtained this information, since informational copies of birth certificates are public documents in California. But those newspapers are too busy arrogantly destroying their businesses by ignoring the story to bother asking for a simple piece of paper. So they don't have either the birth certificate (PDF) or these fun non-denials:

'Purple Is The New Neutral'

Ryan Tate · 07/31/08 07:50AM

"A silvery shade of purple happens to be in vogue at the moment because it goes with a lot of the gray fabrics of the season. But in this election, the news media's objectivity has also been part of the story." [Times]

Hillary 2012, Coordinated With The Huffington Post

Ryan Tate · 07/31/08 03:20AM

"The gathering was hosted by California Sen. Dianne Feinstein and attended by Ellen Malcolm, founder of Emily's List... Rep. Ellen Tauscher... and Hilary Rosen... who's now political director of the Huffington Post." [Post]

Ageist Media Destroying John McCain

Ryan Tate · 07/30/08 07:43AM

Remember how sexist media pundits maybe helped Hillary Clinton ruin her shot at the Democratic presidential nomination? "When Hillary Clinton speaks, men hear, 'Take out the garbage,'" loutish author Marc Rudov said on Fox News in January, leading the way for other controversial statements by Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann of MSNBC. Well now the shouting heads are doing the same thing to John McCain. And it's those bastards at MSNBC again! Just listen to Joe Scarborough make fun of McCain for getting cluster-bombed by liberal jars of apple sauce during what should have been a simple grocery store photo-op (via the Observer):

Politician Figured Al Jazeera Reporter Was Kidnapper

Ryan Tate · 07/28/08 05:09AM

Republican Congressional candidate Allen West didn't know what to think. Some gal called saying she worked for an "Al Jazeera??" And she wanted him to talk on some "show" about the situation in Afghanistan, where he served as a military officer? Like he's going to tell his Army secrets to some Madrassa or whatever, in front of their martyr cameras! Then this "booker" wanted his address so she could "pick him up" — at night, the most terrifying time of day! You know what that means: A hood goes on, your hands are bound, and the next thing you know you're in Dearborn Michigan. So West reported her in to the FBI, for violating freedoms.

CNN's Fake College Republican Lent Obama Buzz

Ryan Tate · 07/25/08 07:35AM

CNN thought it found the perfect human face to put on MySpace statistics and voter registration numbers it tried to use, in an American Morning segment, to prove that the popularity of Barack Obama had campus conservatives on the run at American colleges. USC's Eric Perlmutter, identified as a member of the College Republicans, was quoted saying "we try to get people out to our college Republican meetings... but we can't seem to get the same amount of support" as Obama. After the president of the USC College Republicans spoke up to say he had never met this guy, CNN issued a fairly damning correction: