Scott Adams is the guy who writes Dilbert, a cartoon beloved by suicidal office workers across America. Scott Adams is also, not to brag, the smartest person in America, judging simply by the quantity of thinly-veiled self-regard which drips off of each and every post on Scott Adams' blog, especially the rapey ones. Scott Adams' genius possesses such a breadth and girth that it often crowds everything else off the internet, forcing Scott Adams himself to take on the task of pointing out just how big of a genius Scott Adams is.

In today's news that will take away any desire for procreation you might have been grasping onto, military and police trainers are now suggesting that the "Run, Hide and Wait" protocol be ingrained in students in much the same way they currently learn "Stop, Drop and Roll." Schools will soon be teaching children both fire and gunfire safety.

We blame the 60s. For everything. Today, we blame the 60s for creating the lax and permissive atmosphere in this great nation that directly caused our "best and brightest" young university students to neglect their studies in favor of LSD, sexual intercourse, and LSD intercourse.